Surprised by Joy

My take on 30 for 30

2012-01-08T20:48:00.001-06:00

I wrote in September about my impending big 3-0. It's even closer now! Less than 2 months. Mz Beyonce and Mr. Z had their baby this weekend, little Blue Ivy Z. :)

I've started to think about how I want to celebrate. Every year I want to do something for my birthday, then I usually don't. But I've had some inspiration. Lest it begin to become a habit, I again thank Pinterest.

A woman celebrated her 38th birthday by completing 38 acts of random kindness. I thought that seemed like a great idea, so I really should start gathering things I want to do. I can't decide if I want to do them all in one day or maybe for the weekend leading up to my birthday. I also want to involve my friends.

SO if you have any good ideas for acts of kindness or want to participate with me in completing them, let me know! I need your ideas!

Cookin' makes you good lookin'

2011-12-21T10:42:00.001-06:00

That's what my buddy P Dawg says at least. (P Dawg is Paula Deen for those uninitiated.)

I've been a baking fool this winter! During the summer, it gets so hot in my house I can't stand to use the oven at all, so I make up for it in winter time. I love baking. The best part is that you have something lovely to share at the end of it.

The next two images show my wonderful cooking heritage. Thanksgiving dinner and my aunt Annie's perfect chocolate pie. My aspiration!

Thanksgiving Dinner

Chocolate pie with beautiful meringue

Pinterest has fueled my baking fun. Here are some of the goodies I've baked this fall/winter and the recipes when available.

Blueberry Muffins

My classic breakfast food is whole wheat blueberry muffins. I always love them, and have blogged about them before. My friend Rachel suggests making mini-muffins in many baked goods, because they help with portion control and trick your mind into thinking you're eating more.

Just 2 ingredients

I haven't taken a picture, but I've made this 2 ingredient gem several times. 1 can of pumpkin puree, one cake mix (I always use spice cake). Mix, bake. I use the recipe from Big Red Kitchen. I've never put a glaze on it. It's a perfect, not-too-sweet treat for the winter.

Monkey bread- easy and yummy

Another easy breakfast fave is monkey bread. Just do it.

Truth- from the Betty Crocker 1950 Cookbook

This winter I made a goal to get familiar with pie. I've always shied away from it because it seemed difficult. Lots of science involved. But I knew it was something I wanted to attempt. I tried several different styles and recipes and am still coming into my own, but think I'm doing pretty well!

I personally like Pioneer Woman's pie crust recipe. However, I replace the vinegar with vodka. The crust is delicious and flakey. As you can see below, perhaps too flakey! That one was made in my mini-pie maker, and fell in on itself when I tried to take it out of the machine.

Blueberry pie- TOO flakey?

Blueberry cobbler, much prettier

Purty fudge pie, a la P Dawg with PW's crust

Mini fudge pies

Sugar cookies with icing

Piece de resistance- Homemade bread

I've always been intimidated by bread. So much can go wrong with the yeast, the kneading, the science of it all. But last night I decided to go for it. And sweet baby Jesus, it was delightful! I followed this recipe exactly, and it was perfect. It smells like heaven. It is beautiful. It is all I could hope for in life... um, I mean a bread. ;) If you've been intimidated by bread, my suggestion is to give it a shot.

Homemade vanilla from Rachel

I'd also like to give a shout out to my coworker and friend Rachel, who made homemade vanilla and gave me some. It's made all of my baking so much more delicious!

What do YOU enjoy baking during the winter? Send me some recipes you love!

What I learned from 200 high schoolers' essays

2011-11-22T12:25:00.001-06:00

Last weekend I served as a judge for the Oklahoma City National Memorial student essay contest. The prompt for the essay was based off of this quote from Oklahoma City police chief Bill Citty:

“It is important to remember that the majority of people are good and we can’t live our lives in fear.”

I was a little hesitant going in, not sure what the quality of student work would be and if it would make me hopeful or fearful for the next generation, but I was very pleasantly surprised. These kids were 1 or 2 years old when the Oklahoma City bombing took place. They were 8 or so on 9/11. Here are some things I learned after reading about 250 of their reflections on the presence of good in the world.

Some kids have been through some really bad stuff

There were essays about assault, abuse, rehabilitation, suicide attempts, racism... it was very interesting to see how some kids have grown up way too soon, especially compared to their peers whose most trying life circumstance was losing their cell phone.

9/11 was a major mental impact

I'd say at least 2/3 of the students referenced 9/11, almost always talking about the intense fear and insecurity they felt after that day. My last blog was about the mental impact on me as a 19 year old, so I can't imagine being a child at that time.

Bullying is a major issue

Of course you hear about it in the media a lot, but many students wrote about being bullied. And many also wrote about using some of the tools now being taught in school to confront their bullies and try to get to know them as people, or about how some other classmates befriended them and made a real difference in their lives.

Christian teenagers think they are REALLY good

An oft-repeated theme was Christian students (they were pretty upfront about their faith) thought that giving Taco Bell and/or McDonalds to a homeless person made them a major force of good. Now don't get me wrong, that is a good thing, but I was a bit surprised by the hubris of these kids, and how often it came through. They were far more likely to talk about themselves than others.

The recession impacted these kids greatly

A lot of kids wrote about their parents losing their jobs in the past few years. It's interesting to see these kids' perspectives on the unsettled economy and how they have coped with it.

If someone means a lot to you, tell them

Many kids wrote about people in their lives. Not the obvious role models and influences, but those you might not expect. So many times I wanted to write them back and say, "Have you told this person what they mean to you? Please do it! I'll bet they have no idea." If someone means a lot to you, let them know.

It's the small things.

The best essays weren't necessarily about the major, dramatic moments of life, they were about the small, unexpected, unobligatory moments of grace, generosity and kindness.

----

Overall, I had a great time. I can't wait to do it again next year, if they'll have me. I left feeling optimistic about the world and thinking about all of the lights in my own life. What more can you ask for?

9/11

2011-09-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

I write this mostly for myself, and for history. I want to remember what 9/11/01 was like. What I was doing. How I felt. I should have written this long ago, but as the time is seared into my mind, it still feels fresh.

I was a sophomore at OC. It was probably the 2nd week of school, and the first year of the campus-wide wireless internet/laptop program. My habit was to wake up and check the news first thing. By the time I woke up, the first tower had been struck.

I can't lie; I've never been to New York, and I didn't have a firm understanding of what the World Trade Center was. The bombing of 1993 was a very vague memory, as I was 11 at the time. So the importance of the place was lost on me.

My mom had sent me several emails already that morning, which was strange. She never sent email. But she sent several, with messages like, "Did you see the news? I can't believe this!"

My roommate, Traci, was in the shower. As she got ready for class in the bathroom, I was watching TV. I remember surreally going into the bathroom and saying, "Traci, I think our country is under attack." And it felt so crazy, because there wasn't an ounce of joking or sarcasm in it.

I didn't know what to do, so I went on to class. Physical geography. I took my massive IBM Thinkpad with me so I could check the news online during class, but every news site had crashed by that point. The professor hadn't heard anything about the attacks yet, and honestly didn't believe us when we tried to tell her. Finally she stopped class to go check the TV in the teacher's lounge. She came back pale and ashen, and told us class was dismissed.

It was a crystal clear day in Oklahoma City, just like it was in New York City. As I walked across our deserted campus, I remember honestly thinking, "What if I'm not alive tomorrow?" Because at that point, there was no comprehension of the magnitude of the attacks. For all I know (and as I believed initially), they were attacking every major US city. As I walked through the student center, I stared at the TV's tuned to news channels shaking my head. It was incredible, in the most literal sense.

I got back to my room and by this time, one of my good friends who lived next door, Meredith, was also watching coverage. I remember I was sitting in her room in front of the TV when the first tower collapsed. In my life I have never had a more visceral reaction to an event. I felt like I physically collapsed on the inside when that tower collapsed. It was so unexpected. I sobbed and wailed, "those people! those people!" knowing there were so many left in the tower still. It was so painful and terrifying.

I don't remember what I did that night. Traci (my roommate) told me that I was screaming in my sleep throughout the night. I have no recollection of that or having nightmares.

The next day there were times of prayer across campus. My group of honors program girls gathered to pray, and it was one of the times of most grieving prayer I've ever been a part of.

I know the fact that this happened so early in my young adulthood had a major impact on me and my generation. I had traveled abroad for the first time in May-July 2001, and so I had no time for pre-9/11 to become "the norm" in my travels. I was so malleable in world-view and understanding. I'm not sure I'll ever understand the full impact and how I would have been different if 9/11 never happened.

Ten years. How has it been 10 years? Our world is so different. I knew that day that what was happening was massive, but I think it's impossible to live a tragedy with that mindset, so reflection is done in hindsight.

What have I learned? What have WE learned?

Tragedy brings out the best and the worst in people. Revenge is a deep-seeded, primal emotion that can overtake us if we're not diligent. Pain is pain. Life is unjust. Hate is maddening. The human spirit is resilient.

At my job, I work with students who don't really remember 9/11. They were 8 years old. I wonder how they were changed. I wonder if my recollections of 9/11 will soon be like my grandparents' recollections of December 7, 1941.

I don't know the answers. But I do know it's important to never forget, to learn, and to grow.

6 months til 30

2011-09-05T12:51:00.000-05:00

Beyonce seems to be enjoying 30.

Six months from today I will turn the big 3-0. I would like to think that I'm going to take it with grace and class, but I'm not sure. It's freaking me out a little bit.

Among my peers, it's all the rage to make a 30 in 30 or 30 by 30 list, of things they'd like to do before turning 30 or during their 30th year. Well, I'm never good at setting goals, so I'm not doing that. And I think I can honestly say I'm lucky enough to have done a lot of the things in life that I want to do.

I have a few things I want to do. I want to see an ocean again. I have some fitness goals. There are some relationships I want to affirm or restore. I have some financial goals. There are other things as well, but nothing I'm going to post on the internet or blog about.

I hope that things will be different in 6 months. I hope that I will be different. Not through a list of items to check off, but instead through growing up and growing into myself.

So... six months. Then 30... wish me luck.

Seven Links- a reflection on blogging

2011-08-02T17:57:00.001-05:00

I've been blogging over 7 years. SEVEN YEARS?! Whoa... I have to let that sink in. Okay, well my friend Liz posted this meme on her blog and I thought it would be a fun mental exercise to think about the history of my blog and highlight some posts the recent joiners might have missed.

Most Popular Post

"Gumption." I have a handy dandy little widget in the side bar over here that tells me what the most popular post is by hits. I believe this is because people search for pictures of Jude Law and my blog has a ridiculous SEO ranking for him now. :)

Most Beautiful Post

This could be quite subjective. The first one that comes to mind is one my dad wrote when I was very sick- "Sweet Marie."

For things I've written myself, I don't know. I love my "Family Photo Friday" series I did for a while; those are all precious to me.

Most Controversial Post

Haha, oh geez. Um, well there was "Campbellism Exposed!" I'm still one of the highest Google search results for Campbellism, which cracks me up to no end.

Most Helpful Post

"Sandpaper for the Soul" expressed my deepest feelings about Honduras, and Predisan was able to use that for their marketing efforts.

Post Whose Success Surprised You

I ended up getting a lot of people weighing in on my "Why I'd Like a Husband" post, haha.

Most Underrated Post

"Good Guys and Bad Guys." Maybe no one agrees with my assessment. :)

Post You're Most Proud Of

"Only the Lonely" was a major step in vulnerability for me. "The Good Life" was difficult but important for me to write. "The Antibiotic Effect" is still something I think about often.

The care and feeding of introverts

2011-07-31T20:08:00.005-05:00

I am an introvert. I am SUCH an introvert. (Hello classic ISFJ) The older I get and the more I learn about what it truly means to be an introvert (beyond the superficial, erroneous definition of just being "shy"), the more I feel like I understand how to make my professional and personal lives work better for my personality type.

Someone who I used to know once said, upon my noting that I was an introvert, "What?! No you're not. You like people!" To say he didn't "get it" would be a vast understatement.

When I was a kid I was shy, but I first really observed my introvertism in that being with groups of people or unknown people wears me out. Even if I'm enjoying it. It's not a matter of enjoyment, just a matter of what energizes me vs. exhausts me. I realize now that if I'm going to be in a situation like that, I have to make sure to schedule in down time to balance it out.

I saw the article on the right about the care of introverts. It made me smile, but also really struck me how true it is! There is a great deal of comfort that comes with knowing you're not alone and/or crazy for your personality traits.

I am intensely private. Ironic, since I work in a job that involves a lot of research in sharing your life online. And more ironic, considering I'm posting this in a very public forum of the world wide web.

I need time to process through things. I don't go well from one task to another with no warning. It's just amazing how well this hit it on the head.

Are there any other introverts in the house? I think introverts tend to do well in online communications because it allows them to both be alone AND interact with others. Are you an extrovert who doesn't understand introverts? Let's virtually hug it out, peeps.

January 2007

2011-07-28T22:01:00.004-05:00

Do you ever look back in your life and realize that there was a time that significantly changed the way you see the world? I recently realized that one of these times for me was in January 2007.

To give a little background, a short year before, I'd survived my own major medical crisis. As soon as the doctor gave me the go ahead, I left and spent 6 months in Brazil. In November 2006, I moved back to the US confused and finally processing what had happened the prior two years.

In January 2007, two of my dear friends were due to have their first child. They were really my closest friends to have a child first, so this was all new and exciting. I anxiously awaited news of the birth, and still remember the dread that filled me from bottom to top when I got the news that something bad had happened. I remember trying to process through and plan a trip to Oklahoma to be there when my friends buried their baby. But, after weeks and months of fighting, Ben made it. :) Today he is a happy and healthy 4 year old who is joy. But I'll never forget the dread and pain of that time. Something deep inside me changed, and it felt like growing up in the most painful way.

A couple of weeks after Ben's birth, I heard the news that one of my classmates from OC serving as a missionary in Uganda and died there. I didn't know him well, but having lived for ~2 years as a vocational minister abroad my heart broke for the family and loved ones of Adam Langford. His funeral was one of the most poignant, painful days as I saw so many of my college friends gather to bury this young man, far before his time. I know some people say funerals should be a celebration of life, but they are also places to pour out your grief when it hurts. And that is what happened.

I can't tell you definitively what changed for me during this month. I know I was changed. I know that loss and suffering felt more keen than ever before. But I also learning about healing. About grieving. And about living.

Some of my friends have told me that my health crises was a time like this for them. Isn't it interesting what grows us? And what we let grow us? In the words of St. Bono of Dublin, "The heart that hurts is the heart that beats."

Life with migraines

2011-07-23T13:40:00.004-05:00

Many of you know that I overcame some major health problems about 6 years ago. Can you believe it was 6 years ago? :) I have a lot to be thankful for, and I remind myself of that often.

That said, and as years go by, I remain keenly aware of the deep connection between mind, body, and soul.

For the past 4 years, I've gotten migraines. Before I started getting them, I just thought they were bad headaches. But wow, they are a full mind/body attack, and I really, really hate them.

No one knows definitively what causes migraines, but there are tons of theories, which probably all have some measure of validity. Stress, hormones, foods (onions and aspartame?), spinal misalignment. I personally think stress has a lot to do with mine, but also having lights flashed in my eyes.

I usually get auras pre-migraine (though not always), and actually consider myself lucky to get them. If you don't know, an aura is some kind of symptomatic tell that occurs before a migraine. For me, I think of them as the heads up that a migraine is either likely to occur or is imminent. If I can take my medicine early during an aura, then the pain of the headache is dramatically lessened.

The crazy part of of auras for me is the visualizations. Mine involve circular, flashing bands of light. This is a visualization I created. :) It starts as a wide circle in my field of vision, then closes in to right where I'm looking. I can see the aura most strongly when I'm looking at a screen of some kind- TV or computer.

Anyway, after the aura wears off is when it gets bad. Let's say I've taken my medicine (God bless you Excedrin Migraine) in time. Then I get a very dull headache, all of the energy drains out of my body, I become extremely sensitive to light and sound, and very nauseous. I also get very, very confused. That is probably the most frustrating part.

If I don't take my medicine in time, then it feels like an ice pick being driven through my eyeball straight through my skull. So... bad. And every other symptom is intensified- especially nausea.

I can usually function after an hour or two if I take my medicine, but if not, then I'm really wasted for the rest of the day. Medicine or no, I still feel exhausted and as though I've been hit by a truck.

It's a strange thing. Migraines are so much more than headaches. They make me think of mini-strokes, honestly. It's a scary thing to feel like you're losing control. It's such a neurological disorder, and hopefully great strides will be made in research and treatment.

Do any of you guys get migraines? What is your preferred treatment? What do you think causes them? Any strange symptoms?

Pretty as a picture- You are what you eat

2011-07-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been trying to think of ways to add more veggies into my diet. Eating fresh fruits is easy for me, but veggies have been a mental roadblock. Sure I'll throw spinach on my sandwich or whatever, but I needed to be intentional about including them as often as possible.

I've been going out to the farmer's market on Saturdays to get more inspiration. This weekend I got a seriously beautiful haul!

I noticed last week when I bought even a few items that having beautiful food makes me want to cook meals worthy of them. So yesterday I started grilling some of my goodies. I was struck by how beautiful it was! So I took a picture.

Then I thought, "At least once a day, I should have a beautiful meal that is worth photographing."

I don't actually want to be a food blogger or anything like that (the world has more than enough), but I really like the premise, even if it's just for my eyes. Is that candy bar beautiful? A handful of broken chips? A boring can of coke?

But how about bright and lovely fruits and veggies? Yes! Even if it's just a photo in my mind's eye.

Surround yourself with beauty- heck- even eat it up!

Not yo mama's fairy tale

2011-07-06T12:12:00.006-05:00

Last night I finally watched Tangled, Disney's new spin on the Rapunzel fairy tale. It was the first Disney fairy tale I'd seen in quite a while. I was struck by modern take on the story and how clearly it reflected changes in culture from when Snow White first released.

The major thing I noticed was the interaction between the boy and the girl. To my recollection, Flynn (the male lead in Tangled), never actually saves Rapunzel. In fact, she saves herself and him, in spite of all his bumbling and bad intentions. Even when Flynn dashes in to save the day, he is injured and removed from the fight immediately, and she saves him. The happy ending is not their wedding, but an addendum that they got married a few years down the line.

I'm a pretty progressive person, and I definitely don't believe fairy tales are real, but it's just so interesting to see the progression from prince charming as savior to man as a loveable doofus, in spite of himself.

Many Christians are involved in the John Eldredge movement, which says that men and women have divinely seeded archetypes of gender roles, echoed in fairy tales. I have conflicted feelings. At one point I totally bought in to it, at another I was totally against it, and now I'm somewhere in the middle. My question is that if our storytelling makes this shift in a large cultural context, will that impact what the children of today expect from their romantic relationships?

Of course there are pros and cons to both, and ultimately there's probably not any movie from which you should base your expectations for life and love. And deep down I have a feeling that girls will still want to be swept off their feet, but hopefully they will also know their own strength and beauty with or without their prince. :)

*Interestingly enough (or probably not), I actually wrote a paper on this exact topic in my college film class comparing Cinderella to Ever After.

Estate Sale Pro Tips and Finds

2011-07-02T12:17:00.007-05:00

Those who know me well or follow me on twitter know that I am a bit of an estate saler. I love going and looking at all the stuff. Props to good friend Auvrey for introducing me to this sport years ago!

A lot of people seem interested in estate saling, but many have questions, so I thought I'd give you some of my tips and tricks for the estate sale world.

Tip one- Good fuel

Ok this isn't necessary, but my Saturday morning routine involves getting a treat from Prairie Thunder Baking Company. My current faves are the chocolate croissant and the blueberry peach danish.

Okay but for real.

Where do you find out where estate sales are?

You might find this hard to believe, but long ago and far away, there were these things called newspapers that had classified ads. That's still where I look- the online version.

If you're in OKC, I'll even link you to it! The Oklahoman Classified- Estate Sales. They only list per the actual day it is.

Types of estate sales

There are a few types of estate sales. These are my own classification, nothing official. The bottom line difference between a garage sale and an estate sale is that the estate sale items are charged tax.

Estate sales are daunting for the family. I've never been through it myself, but I have seen enough that I think it's safe to say.

Because of this, some people bring in professional firms to hold their estate sales. They price the items, advertise, run the sale the actual days, and handle the tax stuff. If you are a shopper, these types of sales have pros and cons. PRO- no traumatized family members to deal with, items are usually priced to move, overall a better experience. CONS- Many times items are slightly overpriced because they have a better understanding of what items are worth, but they're still not retail prices.

Sometimes, families hold their own estate sales. I think this is a good idea if you have someone in the family who can emotionally disconnect from the experience and has a good idea of the end goal. Do you want to get rid of everything? Do you want to make a lot of money? Those two questions are important and can drastically change pricing. Some of the WORST estate sales I've been to have been family run. Sometimes the children are too emotionally connected to the items. Sometimes the person is there themselves, and that makes it even worse. One sale I went to, the entire family was wearing shirts with pictures of the deceased on it. Not a good idea.

PRO TIPS

Let me give you some major tips. If you ever need kitchen items, go to an estate sale. Cheap and easy. Same for tools, books, linens (although I do not use used linens to sleep on or bathe with). You can really stock up.

On Sundays, estate sales are slashing prices by at least half, usually. They want to get rid of stuff. Granted, the selection is lower, but the prices are drastically lower.

If you like DIY projects, estate sales give you great materials to work with.

Bargain! Bundle items (ex, get more than $10 worth of stuff and ask if you can have it all for $10)

CREEPY FACTOR

A lot of people find the concept of estate sales creepy. I've often heard it called "dead people stuff." Okay, so here's my take. One, a lot of estate sales are not actually for deceased people. Many times they're for people downsizing or moving into assisted living.

Beyond that, I just got over it. I will admit the first couple of months I went, I'd get pretty sad going through peoples' houses. But then I decided I was giving their items new life, and helping the family out by buying it. It's an odd type of recycling, in a way.

COOL STUFF

Okay, here are some of my favorite finds from the past few weeks.

This coat is beautiful! Lovely embroidery all over it, and only $4. It's not an every day, all year long item, but I think will look rockin' in the fall.

I have a weakness for old suitcases. This one is beautiful, although in damaged condition. I love the fabric on the inside. I have some ideas for making it into an end table. $1

I found these bead strands for $.25 each, and the pin (from ~1900) was $4. I put them together and they're a beautiful summer accessory.

One of my favorite books, with the beautiful original artwork. I think $.50

I just thought this was funny. It's worth clicking on the 2nd image and reading the description of the suggested game. :) Maybe $1?

This is actually from Habitat for Humanity's Renovation Station. I also like to go there every few weeks. They have great spare parts like this window, which are just ripe for DIY (do it yourself) project ideas. In fact, I have 2 of these and have some fun ideas in mind...

Well there ya go! If you have any more questions, let me know!

The Summer Day

2011-06-22T13:02:00.005-05:00

The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

My (cousin's) big fat Arkansas wedding!

2011-06-14T21:51:00.006-05:00

I have an oddly proportioned family. I feel as though my family is huge, but in some ways it also feels very small. For example, I have 2 first cousins. And one sister. But my dad has over 50 first cousins, so my 2nd cousin circle starts to explode, and from there on grows exponentially larger. AND all of those folks are very close, both geographically and in each others' lives.

All that to say, my cousin got married last weekend. She is almost exactly a year younger than me. In our youth, my grandmother liked to dress us alike, although I had brown hair and blue eyes and she had blonde hair and brown eyes. She's my first cousin to get married, and in a lot of ways the first family wedding we've had. It was lots of fun. But it was HOT. A June wedding at 2pm in Arkansas is not for the faint of heart. :) My great aunt asked me to please get married under a tree. And at the last minute I was put in charge of music. I worked the CD player like a pro. ;)

Sister and Me

Mom and me

My aunt, cousin, and grandmother

Happy bride and groom

Beautiful bride!

Reflections upon a bride

My parents

My uncle and my dad

I'm a (board) gamer... sort of

2011-05-23T12:24:00.004-05:00

The good thing about friends is that they always end up getting you to do things that you wouldn't normally do.

I am not a board game person. My family was not a board game family so although I've always moderately enjoyed them, they're never my "go to" entertainment activity. But in recent years I have realized that several good friends are board game junkies. So they have broadened my horizons and introduced me to some really cool games.

I have become a fan of the game Ticket to Ride. It's pretty sweet.

And there was a game called Carcassonne, which was harder to pick up, but also fun.

But of course the key ingredient to any game night is great friends. :)

Good times!

2011-05-13T14:30:00.001-05:00

Thought I could do a mass update on things that have been going on lately.

This weekend me, my homeboys and their awesome wives are getting together to party like it's 2005.

I got excited about the royal wedding. Both Will and Kate are my age, so it provided some excitement. I may have gotten a reproduction of a royal wedding ring.

This is a car I see often on my drive home. I finally got a pic of it going by with the scriptural context.

"Cars are a sign of the soon coming of Jesus!"

Habakkuk 3:8 and Nahum 2:1-4

I have been taking Zumba classes. They're latin dance aerobic classes. Reminds me of my days learning the samba in Brazil with my LST reader, Severino.

Oh I can shake my groove thang.

I seek the unusual

2011-04-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

I don't tend to seek the path well traveled, so on my vacation last week I ended up at a most unusual place- King Spa and Sauna. Thanks Trip Advisor for the tip!

It's a Korean Spa and Bath House.

As soon as I walked in, I was overwhelmed by how *Asian* it is! It was like being transported back to Japan.

Everyone wears a uniform. Pink for ladies, black for men, yellow for kids. (Note- sorry for the low quality pics. All on my iPhone. Didn't want to be a creeper with my big ol' camera.)

This place was opulent. Really beautiful.

The dry saunas were amazing. There were 9 different ones. In the picture above, you can see 3 of them (the doors). Each had a different theme or special healing property. For example, above, the left one is a cold sauna. Something like 45 or so degrees in there. The middle one is a salt sauna. The right is a pyramid coated in a 23k gold layer.

Below is a picture of me after spending 15 minutes in a 160 degree room. It was sooooo hot. But it felt good. There is something so detoxifying feeling about sweating without exertion.

This is Caesar. So Asian. :)

There were so many geodes in the building. They were beautiful! My favorite sauna room had geodes and gems lining the entire room with an infrared light.

And this is an area full of giant leather recliners where you could just relax. They also had a separate movie theater where they constantly showed movies. Since you get an all day pass, there was plenty of time to lounge around and just chill. There was also a restaurant.

Of course there was also a separate area of public baths (separated by gender, of course). It was incredible. 5 different pools. 3 were different temperatures between 108 and 102, some with herbs and salts. 1 was a cold pool at about 70 degrees. Another was a chlorinated jacuzzi with strong jets. I loved going from the hot pools to the cold pool. It was intense!

Overall, what a great day. I stayed like, 7 hours and felt so relaxed and rejuvenated afterwards. I highly recommend it if you're in the DFW area!

My week

2011-04-13T11:41:00.000-05:00

If you need me, I'll be in this position behind some wildflowers this week.

Japan Redux- the philosophy of flowers

2011-03-30T12:10:00.004-05:00

Japan has obviously been on my mind a lot lately, as well as the collective psyche. I'm very thankful to say that I've now heard from all of my friends in Japan, and remarkably they are all ok. There are some places with severe structural damage, but they are ok. And of course now there is the issue of the nuclear reactors, which are located about a couple of hours from Hitachi.

Living in Japan deeply engrained in me the philosophy of living in season. This is the sakura- cherry blossom- time of year. Here in Oklahoma we don't have a lot of cherry blossoms, but we do have many plum, pear, and redbud trees.

In Japan, karaoke is big. One of my sweet, dear friends, Alina, would often sing a song called Sakura at karaoke. Lately I have missed her, my friends there, the memories, and the blossoms. This song says so much about Japanese philosophy and the truth about life and changing seasons.

Here's the thing about the season of blooms. It's beautiful, but fleeting. And it's only the beginning. The blooms are replaced by leaves, and that is when they come into their own.

Many people are difficult seasons right now. I hope we can all find hope through the world around us as it lives, changes, and shines beauty.

Sakura

Surely we're waiting, for the day we can see you again.
On the street lined with cherry blossom trees
We'll wave our hands and yell out.

Whenever we suffer or start to lose heart
We feel we can hang in there because you're smiling.
We can hear the song from back then from in those hazy scenes.

Cherry blossoms now in full bloom scattered fleetingly
I know it's fate, farewell my friend.
when it's time to leave on your journey,
with that unchanging feeling.

I wonder if now we can say those words without pretense.
Words from the heart, Words to hope for your bright future.
It's as if the bustling city is rushing us.

Cherry blossoms just floating to the ground believing one day they'll be reborn
Don't cry my friend, It's a shame but it's time to go
With that unadorned smile

Cherry blossoms now flying in the air
Eternally rustling awash in light
Farewell my friend let's meet again here.
On the street scattered with cherry blossoms.

March madness!

2011-03-21T19:05:00.009-05:00

Spring has made me hyper-active and uber-domestic! I've gotten a lot done lately.

I put a desk together. If I had known how hard it was going to be, I don't think I would have done it. But for $25 at Goodwill, it was a great deal! But seriously, never again.

The handsome desk deserved cool decor. Candle holders + touch LED lights.

Then I felt it appropriate to re-cover the chair I was going to put with it. Huzzah!

I saw a blog that inspired me to try to make a new wall decoration on the cheap. Doilies, $4 at an estate sale. Window, $10 at Habitat for Humanity.

And of course the great outdoors! I love watching how plants change day to day in the spring.

I'm even trying some strawberries... we'll see how that goes.

Hooray spring! What have you gotten done?

My heart is in Japan

2011-03-11T23:32:00.003-06:00

It would be wrong to say nothing about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan on my blog. This blog was birthed out of my year in Japan. If you look back through August 2004- July 2005, you can see many of my great adventures. I'm so thankful I have them chronicled here to remember.

This morning, like most of Americans who go to bed before 11pm, I heard about the earthquake in Japan. It took me a while to realize that it was actually somewhat near where I lived, Hitachi, and that the resulting tsunami had to have hit my beautiful port city.

My heart has been heavy all day. I have heard from many friends in Japan confirming they are ok, but there are others who still haven't been able to make contact. I shudder at the thought that my school that I loved and where I taught was less than a quarter mile from the ocean. The only report I've heard about Hitachi is that they were hit with a 30 foot wave. It happened at about 3pm Japan time, so you can put together why this makes me so sick.

But I hope as daylight has arrived in Japan and news becomes more readily available, I'll receive continued confirmation that the people and places I love are safe and stable.

The Japanese are nothing if not resilient. I hope you'll join me in continued prayer for the nation.

New Green

2011-03-07T15:53:00.004-06:00

It's amazing how quickly things can change. This has been driven home recently by three separate families at my work being stricken with sudden loss.

But at the same time, things can change quickly for the good. I swear that last week at this time the branches were still bare, but now blooms and leaves are poking their way through to face the last weeks of winter and usher us into spring.

Nature can be cruel, but we can take hope in that its always being reborn.

----------

Also, Ms. Annaleise tagged me for a 4X4 survey!

1. Four places I go

*Lake Hefner
*Will Rogers Gardens
*Target
*OC

2. Four favorite smells

*Coffee in the morning
*Moonlight Path by Bath and Body Works
*Wisteria
*Soil

3. Four favorite movies/TV shows

*30 Rock
*House
*Big Bang Theory
*Pawn Stars

4. Four Recommendations

*Get out in the sun! It makes everything better.
*Floss daily.
*Give blood!
*Find a job you love. You spend most of your life there, after all.

Stache-tacular!

2011-02-28T12:41:00.001-06:00

The things we do for friends. :)

A mustache themed surprise party! It was a blast. Everyone got really into it and we had a great time. I highly recommend it as a theme if you are looking for your party.

The Stink Eye- Zoological Edition

2011-02-21T17:15:00.001-06:00

I went to the Oklahoma City Zoo yesterday to take some pictures. When I got home, I noticed there was a theme. Many of the animals were giving me the stink eye!

I noticed it first with the owl.

Then it became a trend!

Ah well- I'll just take it to mean that they were trying to pose for me.

In other creepy news, these two shots make me literally both gag and get the chills while I edited them.

My Everest- My Driveway

2011-02-04T13:47:00.007-06:00

I may have mentioned before that I'm a bit obsessed with Mt. Everest. I absolutely don't want to climb it and think those who do are crazy, but I do love watching documentaries about it.

So, what better time to live my crazy Mt. Everest dreams than during Snowpocalypse 2011? [Un]luckily for me, my driveway is my Everest.

I've talked about my driveway before. This weekend I measured. It's approx 130 feet. 9 feet wide. It is sloped and bordered by a fence. This makes it a nightmare for drifting snow.

But yesterday- day 3 of Snowpocalypse- I was determined to try to get out! My car was in my garage and blocked in. And all that stood between me was that driveway. And the snow. And the lack of a snow shovel. But I did have a large rake and a regular shovel.

So anyway, I set out in 15 degreeish weather. I suited up.

This is what it looked like to start:

Then it looked like this.

Three hours later, it looked like this:

And that's when I wanted to collapse. Suddenly I felt very cold. :) I measured- I got about 50 feet done. I think it was the hardest 50 feet, but still, 80 MORE FEET. Kill me. Not really.

When I stopped, I realized there was steam rising off of me. I tried to get a picture of it. This is the best I could do.

Okay, that's not me, but that's pretty much what I looked like. :)

Today I worked from home. I walked to the store. I'm still homebound and more snow came down today.

If my driveway is my Everest, then I was one of those climbers who decides it sounds so nice to take a nap in the snow. And then dies there. But really, but kind of. :)

Respect the mountain.

Failure, examined

2011-02-03T09:52:00.007-06:00

Back on the optimistic day of July 2, 2007, I decided to make a 101 goals in 1001 days list. Turns out that ended last March! Ha! Who knew!?!

I accomplished some and not others, and decided to look at some of the ones that I did not accomplish.

Take dance lessons
No, but I did dance a lot!

Learn to juggle 4 balls
Nope. Other things to do. :)

Read something by Jane Austen
Life's too short to read books you don't like.

Print and bind my blog entries from Japan
I actually started this process. Turned out to be a lot more complicated than I anticipated. It'll still get done one day.

Stop drinking cokes
Oh well. They're good!

Go back to Brazil
Yeah, didn't happen. But I did go to Paris!

Reach conversational fluency in Spanish
Nope.

Begin studying a new language (German, Latin?)
Nope again! I think I'm out of my "foreign language phase."

See the Grand Canyon
Boo, no. :(

Go one month with no fast food
Nope.

Get to know a neighbor
No, but I do know them better than I did 3.5 years ago. :)

Write a poem
Waiting for my muse.

Go camping and sleep in a tent
Nope. I had the chance, but it was raining.

Take piano lessons
Still want to do this!

Go ice skating
I did go roller blading!

Buy the all seasons of The Office on DVD
I don't want to this anymore. I do have 3 seasons of 30 Rock. Much more important.

Re-read the Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit
I actually recently started reading The Hobbit.

Watch all AFI Top 100 movies
Nope, lots of other movies though!

Memorize “The Love Song of J. Alfred Pruffrock”
Still love the poem, still haven't memorized it.

Not shop at Wal-Mart for one month
I actually might have done this... on accident.

Go to a rodeo
NO! I WANT TO!

Perfect my brownie recipe
Forget that- I tried a lot, but the box is so much better and easier.

Play bingo in a real parlor
Why did I want to do that?

Compile a comprehensive friend birthday/anniversary/baby’s birthday calendar
Thanks, Facebook.

Read Brother Kazmarov
Again, other books have been read. Sorry Peter, I'll read it one day.

Blog every day for a month
Yeah, you know that didn't happen.

Invite someone over to my house weekly
I'm still a cave dweller.

Learn how to play chess
Why did I want to do that?

Make a pie from scratch
Still want to!

Learn the names of local wildflowers and trees
I'm a lot better than I used to be, so maybe I actually did this. Taking a crazy amount of pics of flowers will do that. :)

Become CPR certified
No. No heart attacks around me, please.

Grow my own tomato plant
Ha, no. I have bought tomatoes from a farmer's marker. That almost counts. :)

Train myself to make my numbers more legible
The keyboard makes this less important.

Throw myself a great birthday party
Nope. Someday maybe. Next year is the big 3-0!

Read John Steinbeck’s entire body of work
I have read several more now. Still not the whole thing.

Learn to recognize 3 constellations
No....

Take a class in some technical field I want to know more about (accounting, web design, medical terminology)
This is probably coming soon.

Become certified to teach Spanish
No way, Jose.

Visit 5 new states
No, but I visited 2! Holla Wisconsin and Missouri!

--------------------------------------------------

I may not have accomplished all those goals, but I accomplished so much more that I didn't realize I wanted or was important to me. Especially the last year has been so full of good things and growing up. Can't wait to see what the next 1001 days hold!

Snowpocalypse ingredients

2011-02-01T20:29:00.004-06:00

Things I got to prepare for Snowpocalypse 2011

A tank-full of gas
Brownie mix
Mt. Dew Code Red
Bread
Milk
Sweet potatoes
4 seasons of How I Met Your Mother
Crafting supplies to decorate my bathroom

So far, so good!

12 inches of snow. I would love to be out taking pictures, but it is bitterly cold! 10 degrees and -10 wind chill. 40mph wind gusts. No thank you very much!

I made delicious chicken and rice. I also made a scrumptuous blueberry and strawberry cobbler with homemade whipped cream. Mmm! Who wants to come over to share? Haha, you'll have to fight the 3 foot snow drifts surrounding my house!

Urban Prairie

2011-01-30T16:46:00.003-06:00

For a fleeting 48 hours in Oklahoma City, we had a preview of spring. Friday and Saturday were glorious! I hit the door running from work Friday because I wanted to take my camera out to enjoy the golden light of the evening and the 70 degree weather.

While I was out, I was accosted by a soggy Weimaraner with a tennis ball in his mouth, with his owner (an older gentleman) following behind. Sophie was intent on playing with me as I was trying to shoot, despite her master's attempts to distract her. At one point I heard him saying, "Sophie, she's out here trying to get some urban prairie photography, so leave her be!"

I thought that was a pretty good way to describe my photography style in general- urban prairie. And the light was glorious! So here are some pics from that day.

Hope they keep you warm during our upcoming SNOWPOCALYPSE

Getting better

2011-01-25T21:31:00.002-06:00

So I took the leap and moved up in the camera equipment world. I put it off for a while because I knew that when I did that, I would need to really commit to learning more about photography to get full of use of the machine.

Now here I be.

Here are some strengths and opportunities for growth (haha) that I think I have to look forward to developing.

COMPOSITION
I think I'm pretty good at composition, in the macro world at least. In fact, I hate having to crop my photos for prints or whatever. But I need to get better at cropping. I also need to do better with taking pictures level. I am terrible- especially in my downtown shots of buildings, with having crooked pictures. Must improve!

THINGS THAT MOVE
I like taking pictures of flowers. Or berries. Or plants. Or trees. Not really things that move. I would like to improve at this, especially taking pictures of people.

WHITE BALANCE
I kind of know what it is, but I want to get better. It effects color quality.

PHOTO EDITING
Today while I was editing some pics, I was just about ready to delete them all. Granted I was just having a bad day, but I really have so much to learn in photo editing, especially in color. I also want to become better at black and white photography.

BOLDNESS
One of the reasons I don't take pictures very well of people is because I feel totally awkward when I do it. I see incredible street shots so often that I could shoot, were I willing to be bold enough to take them. I will say I did take a step in this direction a couple of weeks ago by asking someone if I could take pictures of their fountain.

Onward and upward!

My weird life- Namaste

2011-01-17T20:30:00.002-06:00

Sometimes things happen and I think, "Wow, did that just happen?" This is one of those things. The latest in a series of "My Weird Life."

Sometimes I am a bit honk-happy. I live downtown with crackheads roaming the street, I drive interstates to my commute, I'm a take charge girl, so sometimes I honk.

So Saturday as I was driving home, I was behind a car that STOPPED in the middle of the road. No stop sign, no yield sign, just stopped. So I gave a little beep of my horn.

Then an Indian lady (subcontinent) dressed in scrubs came out of the car and started talking to me, but didn't seem upset. She asked why I was honking. I asked if she was OK. She asked why I asked if she was ok. I said, well, people don't usually stop in the middle of the street. She asked if she could turn left at this particular intersection and I said yes.

By this time she was at my window that was rolled down, and after I answered her question, she just lit up like a Christmas tree and said, "Oh thank you! Namaste!" Then kissed her hands and pressed them against my arm. Then went back to her car.

Then I drove home, making sure she couldn't see where I live. :)

Oh my crazy life.

*Picture not related, but another weird Oklahoma thing I recently saw.

Tales from the sick bed

2011-01-12T09:40:00.007-06:00

2010 was the year of the lame blogger- me. Wow. 32 blogs for the whole year! I can't say I'll do better this year, but here I am.

What else could drive me to blog? Being in bed with the flu. Day 4. The lack of human interaction is starting to seriously get me down. I MISS PEOPLE. I've never had the flu before, to mine or my mother's recollection. In fact when I went to the doctor, the nurse didn't want to test me for the flu because she didn't think I had it. This is because I didn't have a fever. But here's a fun fact about me- I can only think of one time in my adult life that I've run a fever (including my months and months in the hospital). I just don't get fevers. But alas, positive for type A. Yes, I did get a flu shot. Yes, I will continue getting them. Bad luck this year.

I got a new camera. Canon Rebel XTi. I love it. My first toe into the DSLR world. I've been playing with it and am totally in love.

In other news, some folks know that I like to go to estate sales (thanks to Auvrey for introducing me into this world years ago). I've started trying to sell some stuff online and have had two big hits of good luck. I sold a lovely 1930's Samsonite train case for approx 8x more than I bought it (plus shipping). Also, last weekend (pre-flu strike) I got an antique typewriter at an estate sale.

If I had picked it up before I bought it, I might not have bought it. :) It was so heavy! (turns out it's approx. 27 pounds) So I brought it home and started googling it. Turns out it is an Annell' No3A typewriter from 1922. You can see a vintage advertisement for it here. Apparently it is very rare in the antique typewriter collector world. I've already had an offer that is 10x what I paid for it. I'm pretty stoked, and can't wait to get it off my hands.

Flipping vintage items definitely isn't something I'd want to do full time, but it's a fun hobby.

Ok, time to go lay down again. Blog you again soon, Lord willing.

10 things I did in 2010

2010-12-18T12:20:00.001-06:00

Jumped out of a plane
Turned down an awesome job
Stayed at a job I love
Ziplined 20 times
Enjoyed some excellent Oklahoma scenery
Shot off my own fireworks
Ended an unhealthy relationship with someone I cared about
Did 60+ push ups in a row
Broke my leg
Was employee of the month

10 Things I Learned in 2010

2010-12-15T17:46:00.003-06:00

The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem.
Life can be really great.
Sometimes the first step is the biggest step.
Seasons change. Bad times eventually will get better.
Enjoy the good times, because that season will change, too.
Nothing feels better than making a decision with no regret.
If it hurts, don't do it. Related- insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Survival (emotional, physical, professional) depends on adaptability.
A life without happiness or sadness is pretty hollow. Both pain and joy are signs of life.
When the right thing is the hard thing, it usually means it is all the more worth doing.

What did you learn?

We're growing up

2010-11-30T22:41:00.003-06:00

I just got home from my good friend Blake's 30th birthday party. It was fantastic. Several of our old college friends got together and had a great time and especially great conversation.

It got me to thinking that we really are growing up, my friends and I. We don't always get to choose when we grow up in life. Some people are forced to grow up very young, others are in circumstances that they don't have to worry about things if they choose not to. But by the time you get to your mid to late twenties, the decision to not grow up (or mature) is a choice you've made.

I'm so thankful to have good friends that expand my horizons, challenge me to think deeply, and care about me. Life gets more complicated as time goes on, but I'm thankful to have these friends to grow old with.

Thankful

2010-11-23T08:28:00.003-06:00

I'm thankful for colors and light and changing of seasons.

I'm thankful for health and technology and medical advancements.

I'm thankful for work I enjoy more every day and coworkers who make the days that much sweeter.

I'm thankful for cruciblesque times that sift the faux friends from the true. I'm thankful for the abundance of true friends in my life.

I'm thankful that family is always family, and is always faithful.

I'm thankful to be in this place, in this time, with these opportunities.

I'm thankful that 2010 has been a fantastic year. My heart is full and my cup overflows.

I'm a survivor

2010-11-15T21:48:00.004-06:00

In case we don't talk often or you don't use twitter, long story short- I have a stress fracture in my leg. This was determined through a bone scan I had done last week. I should note that during the bone scan, there was a complication with the injection and my vein swelled and leaked a lot of blood. The pictures are a bit graphic, but you can see some on my Twitpic stream over the past week. I'm fine now; it was the equivalent of a bad bruise.

Today as I was in the doctor's office, he mentioned that he wanted to do more blood work, but quickly brushed it off and said, "don't worry about doing it today, you can wait a few weeks." But I insisted that I'd rather get it done today and get the results back sooner. He explained that he didn't want to pressure me into doing it so soon given my bad experience last week at the bone scan. I told him I wasn't concerned.

He asked why it was that I had such a good attitude about all of this. I suppose I should have credited faith or God or Jesus or something, but the first thing that came to mind is what I said: "I work in marketing. It's my job to see the good in things." And that's true.

But perhaps moreover, it's because- especially where health is concerned- I believe in principles of survival. I've always leaned towards the fatalistic, but in some ways that's made me optimistic. Let me explain. Bad stuff happens. Bad stuff happens in spite of justice, in most cases. You don't deserve it, but you equally don't deserve to avoid it. Sometimes by accepting that, you are mentally prepared to tackle the situation at hand. It's how we survive. More importantly- it's how we progress and become stronger as individuals and as a society.

What can I say, I'm a naturalist at heart, and these are my rambling thoughts tonight. :)

Signs of maturity

2010-10-27T21:53:00.003-05:00

Over the last year I've had to make several difficult life decisions. They've almost all involved doing the right thing that was the significantly harder thing.

And ya know what? Looking back, I have no regrets. I'm proud of each of those.

It's a good feeling.

The theme for this fall is COLOR

2010-10-18T21:19:00.001-05:00

Created with flickr slideshow from softsea.

How my mind works

2010-10-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

This morning as I was curling my hair, I thought of my friend who is currently on her honeymoon- a 10 day Mediterranean cruise. Sickening, I know.

Then I thought of long honeymoons, which made me think of lua de mel, the Portuguese for honeymoon.

That reminded me of Latin, which made me think of the origins of honeymoons. Once I think I heard that the longest a honeymoon could be in ancient times was like 9 months. Then I thought that made sense if you were allowing a soldier time to conceive a child.

Then I thought about the word conceive. Then I thought of the word misconception.

How interesting. A mis-conception. Something ill-bourne, then growing. Interesting! So when I have a misconception, I have a serious problem that needs to be addressed before it grows.

Back to curling the hair.

The useless hypothetical

2010-10-04T20:56:00.003-05:00

As time goes on, I have less patience for the hypothetical. Perhaps that's a sign that I'm moving from my idealistic 20's into my pragmatic 30's, but pontificating irritates me.

I believe it started by reading this blog, which said, "God only expects us to be holy in real life, not in every hypothetical situation."

I agree with that.

Frustratingly, I've gone through a few months of one of those times in life where your mind inevitably wanders to questions such as "what if I'd done this..." "what if that had happened..." "what if he had responded like that..."

But here is the truth- there is no what if. There is only what is. Or was. At the risk of quoting a pop song, "The rest is still unwritten."

I can't wonder what would have happened, because the truth is that what "would have happened" did happen. Countless forces led me to act as I did, countless influenced him, and then there are those universal forces of situation and time that are beyond our control. Every action is the result of a perfect storm.

It is for this reason that I can't stand it when people insist on how they would respond in hypothetical situations. The truth is that you don't know how you would respond. You don't know what relationships would shape you, what movie would influence you, how fear or love would drive you, or how the wind would be blowing that day. (perhaps it's for that reason that Christians are reminded to not judge)

There is no hypothetical. There is only what is. Conjecturing beyond that seems to assume that you know yourself far better than you probably do.

And that is also why I think it is important to take seriously those things you do decide to do, rather than pondering those you might. Perhaps the world would be a better place.

Raising Up the Dead

2010-09-28T21:28:00.003-05:00

Rarely have I felt so strongly about any musical album to dedicate a blog entry to it (in fact, perhaps not since Derek Webb's Mockingbird), but the time has come my friends.

Caedmon's Call. So many evangelicals have run across them at some point in their Christian musical career. They've seen highs and lows in mainstream popularity, and honestly, the newest album, Raising Up the Dead, probably won't do much for them within CCM circles. But boy has it blown my socks off.

Not only is it musically enchanting with a hybrid of folksy tunes and a slight techno edge (a la Derek Webb's latest work), but the lyrics have more depth and poignancy than ever- and this coming from a group that was far deeper than the average Christian band to begin with. As someone who has listened to a lot of Caedmon's Call, I think they're finally using Danielle Young's voice in the style and genre it is suited to.

There are 2 songs on this album that struck me to my core in such a way that I could have sworn they were written by someone who has known my innermost thoughts over the past year. I'll leave you to wonder which 2. :)

I'm sure people will allege that this is a movement away from Christian music and into secular music, but that is a very surface level perspective. I'd say that these songs deal with the deepest issues of faith and the spirit in an incredibly subtle yet touching way.

I'm grateful for this album and it has come at a time when I most need it, so I thought you guys might benefit too. Below you can download 2 songs for FREE. But then you should go ahead and get the whole album. :)

When the summer's gone

2010-09-21T21:28:00.002-05:00

Well folks, today is the last day of summer. I have done 3119 push-ups since beginning this journey. I did week 6 day 3 last night (for the second time) and today my neck and shoulders were dying. Knotted up, pinching, yucky. Not the good kind of sore.

Here I am at a cross-roads. I'm trying to decide if I want to continue on. I need to do another exhaustion test, and if I can't do at least 60 there is a good chance I'm going to throw in the towel. No, I haven't done 100 push ups yet, but I've done 3000+! And since beginning I've also started working out 5 times a week.

So... I haven't decided for sure yet, but forgive me if you think I'm a quitter. I just prefer full use of my upper extremities rather than hitting an arbitrary goal. :)

And thus the summer ends. It was a good one. I had a lot of good times and feel like I grew a lot as a person. I hope you can all say the same.

The last sunset of the summer.

Don't get SAD

2010-09-13T19:02:00.004-05:00

Ever since living in Japan, when in winter-time the sun set at about 4:30pm, I have noticed that I am very sensitive to the days lengthening and shortening. Like many people, my mood plummets in fall and perks back up again in spring. This is generally known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.

Two years ago when I was running (pre-back injury) and exercising like a fiend, it wasn't as bad as usual, but last year about mid-September I started noticing in my anxiety and sadness dramatically increasing in September, right when fall was setting in. So this year I'm hoping to be proactive by testing many homeopathic methods.

First of all I started exercising- mostly running in the mornings (for the light)- again at the beginning of August. I've also been adding fruits and vegetables to my diet and almost eliminating cokes. And I went down to half-caf coffee and have been drinking considerably less of it.

Then last week I finally got the light therapy box pictured below. I've heard of tons of people who swear by them, so I decided to give it a shot as well. I just have to sit in front of it for half an hour each morning. It also has a negative ion machine thing that is also supposed to help.

We'll see how that goes. Today was my first day and I felt really good all day, but there could be a lot of reasons for that I guess.

So all that to say that if you notice yourself getting winter blues, maybe it's time to do something about it rather than just suffering through it. And remember, the days will start getting longer again on December 21. :)

If you have any remedies or tips please feel free to share! I'm open to suggestions!

Get that dirt off your shoulders

2010-09-11T21:24:00.005-05:00

If you know me well, you probably know that I really love listening to hip-hop. If you know me really really well, you might have heard me say that I think Jay-Z is one of the great motivational speakers in the world.

A common theme in hip-hop is about dealing with haters- people who try to get you down. Which makes sense, because most of the artists grew up in schools or families or neighborhoods were little was expected of them.

Jay-Z sings a song where the chorus repeats "You've got to get that dirt off your shoulders." I like to be informed, so I googled what that meant to make sure I knew.

From the rap dictionary, here is a definition and brilliant parable.

To step up. The origin of this term comes from a story in which a donkey falls into a well and cannot get out. The farmer tries to get the donkey out by rope, unsuccessful in his attempt. He decides, instead, to just give up and bury the donkey in the well. As the farmer begins filling the hole with dirt, the donkey becomes depressed, realizing that all of the dirt on his shoulders and back were going to eventually bury him. He then thought of an idea: I can just shake it off and step up. Therefore, he could just die by doing nothing and getting buried, or shake the dirt off his shoulders and step up to the occasion. So when you have a problem, will you shake it off and step up or be buried?

So let that be your lesson for the day kids. Step up and shake it off. Don't be buried.

Still pushing up

2010-09-08T20:02:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I'm still doing push ups. My initial goal was to finish the challenge by the end of summer, which is two short weeks away, my friends. Unless I start snorting spinach like Popeye with similar results, this ain't happening in two weeks.

A few days ago I did an exhaustion test and did 55 push ups. Which is great, I'm not going to knock it. I've improved from 24 in the beginning. But good grief, some days- like today- I feel like this is never going to happen. I am still wondering if women were meant to do push ups, feminism be darned.

But alas, I shall persevere!

In better news, 2 of my friends also doing the push up challenge finished! Congrats MM and BB!

And for the record, I did bail on the sit ups. I started running at the beginning of August, and the sit ups and running were aggravating each other, so I went with the cardio.

Feel free to leave encouragement. If you can't find me some day, I'm probably collapsed on my yoga mat from death by push up.

Maslow's hierarchy upended

2010-09-05T15:15:00.002-05:00

I am mesmerized with this photograph.

The caption says "An interior view of the library at Holland House in Kensington, London, after it was extensively damaged by a Molotov ‘Breadbasket’ fire bomb."

I've been trying to put words to why I am intrigued and keep going back to it.

The closest I can come is saying that it defies logic. More specifically, it defies Maslow's hierarchy of needs. How the sky can literally fall in on you and still have your mind set on things beyond the current reality.

But that's how we move on, right? By transcending the noise and focusing on what matters. Whatever sustains us on a deeper level. It's mature and it's wise. It's important.

When pain speaks

2010-08-27T13:38:00.002-05:00

Three weeks of running! It takes 21 days to make a habit, right? Well I guess I'm back in it.

One of the odd perks of running that I had forgotten is the profundity of thoughts I have while I run. I am a big believer in the benefits of altering consciousness to experience new ideas (I'm probably not supposed to say that), and I think the surge of different chemicals running through your body during running contributes to that sensation.

Today's thoughts.

I've been keeping tabs on my back and legs, given my history with discs and shin splints, careful to not not overdo it. I have specifically been working to note the difference in soreness and pain.

One of my favorite Grey's Anatomy episodes was on the importance of pain. To sum it up, it focused on the fact that medically speaking, pain exists to alert you to a problem. As pain increases, your problem does as well. The inability to feel or acknowledge pain greatly diminishes your safety, both long term and immediate.

The same in running. It's normal to feel tired or sore, but to perpetually ignore pain when it's crying out to you is very foolish. If you don't change or stop what you're doing, you will likely injure yourself.

And such is life. Emotionally, spiritually- pain tells us something is wrong. We listen to the pain, evaluate the source, and treat it. But ignoring will only aggravate the problem.

-"Does it hurt?"
-"Yeah."
-"Where does it hurt?"
-"Everywhere..."
-"Maybe it hurts for a reason."

-Grey's Anatomy (Izzie and Alex talking as Izzie tries to re-enter the hospital after her fiancée died)

When to trust yourself

2010-08-14T09:03:00.003-05:00

I've been slowly trying to get back into running. In a case of unfortunate timing, we are several weeks into an oppressive heat wave here in OKC. Triple digits daily... the lowest temp I've seen in a while is 77. I go running in the mornings though, so it's not so bad.

Today though, perhaps because the heat was reminiscent of a sweat lodge, I had an epiphany. While I was running I got confused. You see, I plan my routes out very carefully pre-running so I know when to run and when to walk and how far I'm going, gone, and have yet to go. But today, mid-run, I thought I made a mistake in planning. But as I cooled down, I realized that I had, in fact, planned correctly.

Here's the epiphany: oxygen-deprived, running, tired, sweaty Ann should trust calm, cool, collected rested Ann to make the decisions. This is hard to remember in times of distress. It also comes to play in when I want to quit mid-exercise. Rested Ann knows what I am capable of; tired Ann is doubtful.

Think of all the other areas of life this can apply to- relationally, professionally, spiritually. Although I'm a big fan of the gut decision, decisions are best made when you are able to have perspective. When you're at a place of peace and rest. Sure, this isn't always possible, but when it is we should plan ahead.

Trust yourself. But know when to trust yourself. :)

"Seems reasonable"... and other famous last words

2010-08-03T12:27:00.004-05:00

So almost two months ago I said it seemed reasonable to be able to complete my hundred pushups/ two hundred situps challenge. I am a little wary of that statement now.

On my last exhaustion tests, I was able to do 90 sit ups and 42 push ups. That means I have improved by almost 3x in the number of sit ups I can do and not quite 2x in the number of push ups. Push ups are just harder!

I have been keeping tally of my work outs and so far I've done 1608 push ups and 3695 sit ups. Whew! Many more to go and another month and a half to do it. Let's hit it!

Don't be like me

2010-07-22T22:33:00.006-05:00

After a super fun day of "blowing stuff up" by the river, I noticed strange spots on my feet.

They quickly went out of control.

You can't tell here- mercifully- but below the knees I had 75+ bites on my right leg and 50+ on my left. By Monday I was in MISERY.

I started with conventional treatment- Benadryl cream and Benadryl. Neither was effective. At. All. I became desperate and looking on the internet. Just FYI- NO ONE AGREES. Hot, cold, wet, dry, etc... everyone has a different idea.

So I turned to some alternative methods.

Yes that is Scotch tape on my legs. It stopped me from scratching, at least. But as soon as I went outside they became sweaty misery (can you tell I'd lost all shame at this point)?

Two things have worked for me. 1- Vapor rub + a moving air (fan, AC, etc). This only helps on a superficial level, though.

What really did the trick was this-

A baking soda+water paste on my legs, allowed to dry. I sleep like this. It stings at first, but it's the only thing that felt like it was actually healing the bites. My house is covered in baking soda. It's in my belly button and may never come out. But I don't care! Thank you, magical baking soda.

So friends, don't be like me, and foolishly believe your bug spray is waterproof.

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Unrelated- Amy tagged me! Here you go. :)

1. How often do you go over the speed limit? Not too often. 5 or maybe 10 over. But without cruise control, sometimes if my mind wanders, my foot gets heavier or lighter.

2. Do you dance like crazy when no one is looking? Just when no one is looking? I am a wild woman.

3. If you were going to be stuck on a desert island which book, movie, and which CD would you take with you? Hmm. East of Eden, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and Tchaikovsky.

4. What did you get in trouble for as a kid? smarting off, fighting with my sister

5. What really gives you the creeps? the texture of smooth paper, touching fish

6. What was your favorite toy when you were a kid? rolly pollies!

7. You run into a friend while shopping. Where were you? Target

8. When you fall asleep are you usually on your side, stomach, or back? back

9. If fat or calorie intake were not an issue, what food would you consume the most? donuts and coke! Not together. :)

10. If you could hire one of the following, which would it be: Driver, chef, maid, or stylist? maid, easily

11. What movie have you watched the most? The Notebook, Madea Goes to Jail (the play)

12. What perfume do you wear? Moonlight Path by Bath & Body Works, Hypnotic Poison by Dior

13. What was your favorite sitcom growing up? The Simpsons

14. What were you doing the last time you had a really good laugh? I am lucky enough to laugh really hard pretty much every day at work.

15. What was the very first concert I ever attended? Acappella! Who'd have thought one day I'd be a groupie. :-P

16. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list? Harrison. Oops! :)

17. How long does it take you to get ready in the mornings? I can get ready in as little as 10 minutes, but usually I get up 1.5 hours before I leave the house. I take my sweet time. I like waking up early.

18. When is the last time you went to the mall and what did you buy? JC Penneys... a dress... last month

19. Ever go to camp? Band camp in junior high, church camp 2 years in high school. I wasn't a good camper. :)

20. Do you collect anything? Black and white vintage photos

Let's blow stuff up

2010-07-19T17:08:00.005-05:00

We all have those unique people in our lives who tend to march to the beat of their own drummer. My friend Brad is that guy. His birthday tradition is going out to the river with his friends, shooting his 50 caliber rifle, then building sand castles and blowing them up with fire works. So... that's what I did this weekend.

Must be seen to be believed!

RIFLE

SAND CASTLES

EXPLAINING THE FIREWORK CATAPULT SYSTEM

WAR!

Sunrise, Sunset

2010-07-16T22:22:00.004-05:00

This summer Oklahoma has had some spectacular sunrises and sunsets.

SUNRISE

SUNSET

Push-up Update

2010-07-06T21:11:00.004-05:00

If you check my actual blog, you see my twitter feed that runs through the right column. My push-up updates run through my twitter feed, but I wanted to give a little commentary on it.

I'm about 4 weeks into it. As you can see in the picture on the right, I'm doing pretty well.

For rizzles, though, some days I feel like a beast and others I feel like I'm going backwards. The other day in a training session I did 122 push-ups! That's crazy! I was very proud. Granted they were in 5 intervals, but still, within 10 minutes.

I don't feel so sore after them these days, but I do feel tired. Also, I've noticed a lot more knotting up in my shoulders, but such is the price of beef-dom.

The sit-ups are still harder than I anticipated. I have started working in some oblique sit ups into the mix for variety.

All of this has made me want to get back into pilates. Maybe once this challenge is over I will look into it.

Onward and upward!

Americana

2010-07-01T23:44:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to be better at learning about photography as a hobby. It's stretching my brain. So many numbers and dealing with light and such. Whew.

That said, I'm trying to branch out into different styles of photography. If you've read long, you have been assaulted with my love of the macro flower shots, but this week The Pioneer Woman's photography contest was themed Americana, so I made myself go find some subject matter. Here is what I came up with (I'm also playing around with textures because of the Americana theme).

If you have a fave, lemmie know. I submitted the one of the cow.

PS- Happy 4th of July!

Squeezing my mind grapes

2010-06-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

People of earth. I have used this phrase several times in the past few weeks and people think I'm crazy. Please commit this to memory and introduce it into your every day usage.

MIND GRAPES

From 30 Rock:

Jack: Jack Welch has such unparalleled management skills they named Welch's Grape Juice after him, because he squeezes the sweetest juice out of his workers’ mind grapes.

Liz: That doesn’t even make sense.

Jack: No, it doesn’t, does it. I wrote it down in the middle of the night.
-
Tracy (to writers): What else is on my mind grapes?
-
Tracy (to Kenneth): I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about.

Illinois River

2010-06-14T22:02:00.003-05:00

This weekend I went on a float trip to Talequah, Oklahoma on the Illinois River.

One of my favorite things to do when I'm with a group on overnight trips is being the first person to wake up. There are several reasons for this. One, I like getting ready without waiting in line. But in the great outdoors, I like it because the world is beautiful in the morning light!

The hours spent waking up early are rarely wasted. I couldn't believe no one else was out there to soak in what I got to see.

Goals and such

2010-06-08T12:47:00.002-05:00

If you want to keep improving, you have to keep setting goals. So as summer is now upon us, I am setting some goals. I may be crazy, but I am motivated enough to want to stick with them to actually post them here in cyberspace.

Hundred pushups

Two hundred situps

Last night I did the initial test of both of these. I was surprised by the results of both- pleasantly by the push-ups and unpleasantly by the sit-ups. 25 push-ups and 34 sit-ups.

My goal is to complete both of these programs by the end of the summer. Seeing as how we're 12 days from the beginning of summer, it seems reasonable.

Wish me luck. Anyone else want to join in?

I WENT SKYDIVING!

2010-05-20T20:21:00.012-05:00

I WENT SKYDIVING! It was at this great place in Cushing, Oklahoma called Oklahoma Skydiving Center. I highly recommend this place. Everyone was great there.

Most people ask why I jumped out of a plane. Several reasons. One being that I always thought it'd be cool. Second, I was hankering for an adrenaline rush. Third, I unexpectedly came into an amount of money almost exactly equal to the price. Fourth, three good friends of mine were going and I knew that would likely never happen again in life.

Let me say first that I had a blast and I have no regrets! That said, it was almost nothing like I anticipated.

Three other friends with with me- Holly, Harrison and Denver. We arrived about 10am at the hangar and filled out all kinds of paperwork. We waited around and watched other people jump. Several other friends joined us as cheerleaders.

Then came our training time. Training consisted of 5 minutes of Billy (who ended up being my tandem partner) reassuring us that there was virtually no way for us to screw this up. We just had to refrain from grabbing or hitting our instructors or the plane.

Then it was time for me and Harrison to go! Only 2 of us could go per plane, so we were first. The plane ride up was actually pretty nice. It was about 20 minutes of slow spirals to get up to 10000 feet. The view was incredible. It was a clear, sunny day.

Then suddenly it was my turn! My instructor and I harnessed together, then they opened the door. Nothing is quite as alarming as having a plane door open at 10,000 feet next to you. :) You can see my reaction in the video.

The next step is to put your right foot on a step (like a running board on a car) outside of the plane. That's when the pressure of the wind first hit me. Wow it's overwhelming! I didn't even feel like I could keep my foot on that step. But the next step is the big one, and you just roll out of the plane. Harrison said he kind of freaked out when he saw me jump. I'm glad I went first. :)

After that I am kind of fuzzy on what happened. I remember keenly the pressure of the air on my face. I remember trying to scream, but nothing would come out because of the pressure. I remember my instructor telling me to wave at the camera.

Some people have asked if it's like flying. Lemmie answer- no. No it's not. :) It's like FALLING at 120 mph. But the real kicker was when the parachute deployed. Although you're in a full body harness, all the pressure is in your hip harness. The parachute deploying felt like being in a major car wreck. I screamed it hurt my hips so much! As soon as that happened, I could feel my circulation starting to cut off in my arms.

The instructor put my hands on the parachute steering ring things, and I pulled once to turn right, but it made me so nauseous I had to just float down normally, but I was fine with that. I could see Harrison spinning loopty loops below me.

Then by the time we were about to land, I felt like I was about to black out. But I made sure to keep my eyes open til the very end! We landed just in time. Harrison ran over to me to help me up, but I told him there was no way I could get up. :) Once I did get up I realized I was crying involuntarily. Hahaha, I was so overwhelmed. I just wanted to fall over. But judging by photos, I was grinning the whole time.

Then I just collapsed. Seriously. :) This is not a posed picture.

It was rockin! You should do it too! See photos and video below. :)

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Blooms of tomorrow

2010-03-18T09:18:00.004-05:00

Twice this week I've had occasion to quote Whitman and say "Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated." Lord knows this is certainly true about the blog. But as spring re-awakens the earth, so it reawakens me and I am once again here to post.

This is hard for me to believe, but I've lived in the same place for 3 years. Whoa! One of the perks of being static and also of my flower obsession is that I have come to know the patterns of this place. I know more or less what is going to bloom where and on which trees, so I am anxiously anticipating the months ahead as color and blossoms erupt.

Yesterday I went out to capture pre-spring in its lovely, budded glory.

Future plum blossoms

Future Rose

Future bradford pear blossom

I don't recognize the last three so leave a comment if you know.

Mary Poppins' bag

2010-02-09T20:16:00.004-06:00

That's how my brain feels- like Mary Poppins' bag. No telling what I'll pull out of it! So here are a few tidbits knocking around my noggin lately.

BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

I find myself making this muffin recipe about every other week. However, I change it enough that I want to repost it with my revisions (in italics).

Ingredients

1 c. sugar
1 c. nonfat milk
1 large egg (2 eggs makes them kind of better, though, in my opinion)
1/2 c. apple sauce (unsweetened)
2.5 c. flour (half whole wheat/half white)
2 tsp. baking powder
1 c. blueberries

Directions
Mix flour, sugar, and baking powder. Then add in the egg, milk, and apple sauce. Lastly, stir in blueberries.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. Makes two dozen.

LOVE love love them. I've gone all the way to using all whole wheat flour instead of half and half, but that is some serious fiber consumption, just to warn you. :)

EVEREST- BEYOND THE LIMIT

So I've been watching this show called Everest- Beyond the Limit. It's a reality show/documentary following expeditions up Mt. Everest. I'm kind of obsessed with it. It doesn't help that I started watching during Snowpocalypse 2.0 last week.

First of all- these people are crazy. Climbing Mt. Everest is crazy. This morning as I had the 20ish degree Oklahoma wind slapping against my face, I wondered if this is what it's like to climb Everest. Um, no. It's not. Not at all. If I were at 10% oxygen, that'd be a tiny step closer.

Also, I am fascinated by Sherpas. These guys can literally run up and down Mt. Everest in about 12 hours what Westerners need about 50 days to acclimate and do, because over time and generations their bodies have evolved to excel in the climate. I wonder what southerners are acclimated to do. Sweat? Survive in crazy humidity? I dunno.

VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT (?!)*

Let's face it- I can't help but think this is a joke. The OKC Animal Welfare office is running a special by waving fees for adoption of cats over 6 months old in honor of VALENTINE'S DAY.

Seriously? Are they seriously targeting people wanting to give a cat as a gift, or are they targeting lonely people? Ladies just remember- once your cats out number you, you enter the dangerous crazy cat lady territory.

SPRAY... OR WHISTLE

I need something to keep lame boys away from me. I'm thinking either a spray like mosquito repellent or an audio signal, like that noise that only people under 30 can hear.

Surely there is a large market for this product.

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*Disclaimer. I kid, but I got my cat, Penny Lane, from the OKC Animal Shelter 3 years ago. She was 2 years old then- old for a shelter cat. So it's a good thing to adopt a pet if you're thinking about getting one. Just look at this face!

Ice Storm- 2010

2010-02-04T19:58:00.007-06:00

I realized this is my fourth straight winter in Oklahoma. I am a little stunned. I also realized that every winter we've had a significant ice/sleet/snow storm (see also 2009, 2007, 2006).

So here are some of this year's pictures. You can see them all here.

Bothering to look

2010-01-31T11:46:00.006-06:00

I found the USB cord to my camera, which means I can post some things I meant to several weeks ago.

"There are flowers everywhere for those who bother to look." -Henri Matisse

This quote pretty much sums up my photographic philosophy, if I were to have one. I don't really, but it sums up why I love to take pictures of flowers. And why I love to notice flowers, especially their little details.

This year I got MLK day off. This year the weather was gorgeous for a January day. I decided to take a little photo walk and got some really cool shots. This day really reminded me of the aforementioned quote, because even though it is January in Oklahoma, there really is loveliness to be found if you look for it.

This was my favorite. At first I thought it was kind of a junk shot, but the more I look at it, the more I like it.

The colors on the next three were dulled when I uploaded them through blogger, so click them to see them on Flickr if you want the full effect.

I love the way they just glowed of warmth and sunshine.

The next few I played around in Photoshop more than I normally like to with flowers, but I thought they lent themselves to it.

Does anyone know what this is?

Distrust

2010-01-12T17:49:00.002-06:00

I'm not a New Year's resolutions type girl, but I do take advantage of this time of the year to reflect on the past year.

As I think on everything that happened in the past year and look at my own attitudes and actions, I'm realizing that something that has grown in me is distrust. I think it's safe to say that I came by it honestly; there were some extreme and unusual circumstances from several people in key places of authority who abused trust my trust, and that was really devastating.

But the fact is that bad things happen. Sometimes good people betray your trust and sometimes bad people betray your trust, but it's up to you to determine how much it is going to change you. One of my major goals after 2009 was to not become a bitter person. We all know folks like that, and I don't want that to be me.

Recently I've noticed that a spirit of distrust has really settled over me. I'm not talking about a healthy level of discernment that you *should* have, but a spirit that makes me question every thing every person says.

It's a terrible and at times maddening feeling. I realized that every time a friend said they would do something I didn't believe it would happen. Whenever a colleague said something, I would wonder what they really wanted from me. When anyone asked my opinion I bristled at the thought of giving it, afraid it would only be trampled on.

This is going to be a challenge of the upcoming season. There are lessons to be learned from the past, but fear can't dominate your life. One of the questions I wrestled with especially after everything that happened at church was "how is this going to get better? How do I re-learn to trust?"

I don't know the answer for sure, still, but I think that at least part of it is purposefully being with people I trust. Taking advantage of true and deep friendships that provide safe places to be open and to learn to live graciously. So that's where a lot of my focus in going right now.

Thank you Lord for bringing redemption to brokenness.

Sojies 2009

2009-12-31T11:21:00.007-06:00

2009 Sojies

To be honest I wasn't really keen on doing this this year, but I'm a sucker for tradition and this is year four.

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
I'm not sure I can pin a specific moment. Not in a debbie downer way, but I'm not sure. I took a couple of personal days to just go out and spend time outdoors, which was wonderful and provided me a lot of clarity and re-centering.

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
My church firing the preacher I loved and the ensuing (and ongoing) consequences.

LESSON LEARNED THIS YEAR?
Perseverance is hard.

BEST HOLIDAY?
Thanksgiving

SONG FOR 2009?
"Still" by Zoe Group has meant a lot to me.

BEST MOVIE OF 2009?
I don't know. Um... Benjamin Button or Up. I'm not sure if Benjamin Button came out this year, but I saw it this year.

BEST BOOK OF 2009?
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller really impacted me.

BEST TV SHOW OF 2009?
30 Rock is hilarious to me. I'm compare myself to Liz Lemon too often. I also finally caught up on Lost, which was fantastic.

ANY REGRETS?
There were times I should have kept my mouth shut.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Several times I had to purposefully decide to do nothing and wait. I'm terrible at that, but it was the best decision.

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Church has changed a lot. Work has changed a lot.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Keep on keeping on.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR?
To do better. To balance work and relaxation. To abide.

Joy to the World

2009-12-21T13:02:00.005-06:00

I am a serious Christmas elf. Post-Thanksgiving I totally get into the holiday spirit.

I've been thinking about why that is, and I think it's because this is the time for hope. It feels magical- like anything can happen.

And maybe it feels like that because of the stories, the decorations, the traditions... but to me it's because 2000 years ago God fulfilled a promise that came in the most unlikely, unsuspected turns of human history. And if God can bring the greatest joy to the world and live and dwell among us in that way, then I can be hopeful that he will fulfill good things in my life that I can't even begin to anticipate.

Joy to the world, indeed. :)

I shot this video last week and it's been stuck in my head since then. Can't say that I have minded, though. :)

Entering courts with praise

2009-11-23T22:25:00.004-06:00

Ah Thanksgiving. In years past I have made up a little excerpt of things for which I'm thankful, but this year I want to take a slightly different approach.

I am so thankful for worship. I feel like the Lord has opened up my heart to be able to worship him more fully in the past few years. And I've realize it truly is a gift of God.

A few months ago one of the ministers at our church was preaching on healing at a very difficult time, and he talked about how, as he looked around the auditorium, he felt like some people were finding their only peace in worship. When they worshiped, they were able to transcend the weight of the world that holds us down and meet God.

I am so grateful that the Lord provides such beautiful music to bless both us and Him. That there are people who have gifts for leading others in worship. I'm thankful for the revival that is bringing the singing of scriptures back into worship. I'm thankful for the freedom to show emotion in worship. I'm just so thankful for those moments of joy and solace.

Reasons to not blog

2009-11-21T21:26:00.003-06:00

As I've hinted at before, this has been kind of an eventful year. At the same time, this year I have become an uber-lame blogger here at ol' Surprised by Joy.

I've thought about why this might be, and I have two main theories.

Reflection

I use this blog as a reflective place. Writing is therapeutic for me to process through events and happenings, understand them better, understand myself better. However, through the trials of this year I am not quite to a place of reflection with many of the situations yet. I'm still in the thick of it.

I can't tell you how many drafts sit in my little queue from the past year. Dozens. I have written so many blog posts that I just can't finish. I don't know how to finish them, because the situation isn't resolved in my mind. If they can't resolve in my mind, I can't resolve them in writing.

Appropriateness

Sometimes it's not appropriate to write about things on a public blog. Well, that's my opinion at least. Church, work, friendships- these things aren't really conducive to playing out on a public internet forum.

This is also something I think about down the road. I'd love to write a memoir or non-fiction piece about my time in Japan, but when my stories involve real people, how can I do that fairly? When anyone writes about actual situations, they are writing their perspective on the person, place, time, and actions- not necessarily factual. It very literally plays out the cliché that perception is reality.

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These are all things I'm trying to balance. Because of my work, everyday I see people play out situations and say things online that I think they will probably regret one day, and I don't want to be that person.

Hopefully in the months to come as situations resolve I'll be able to look back in hindsight and have more to say. Thanks for sticking with me regardless. :)

Turner Falls

2009-11-03T16:51:00.005-06:00

As a preemptive strike against going crazy during this busy week, yesterday I took the day off and went down to Turner Falls. I'd never been, and it was blissful. I went on the PERFECT day- weather was perfect, foliage was perfect, and there were maybe 15 other people I ran across the entire day. Thank you Lord!

Here are some of my favorite pics. All of them can be seen in my Turner Falls Album.

The first thing I noticed and was entranced by all day were the falling leaves floating along in the water.

And of course the waterfalls. Turned the corner and there it was... breathtaking.

And I met some little bug friends.

This little guy car surfed on my windshield for quite a while!

This was a "messed up" shot that I thought turned out really cool.

And of course... sunset.

What a glorious day! I kept just singing to myself and God all day long, since no one was really around to hear me. Thank you Lord!

71 Days

2009-10-21T22:32:00.004-05:00

71 days. That's how long this year has to turn it around.

I'm not going to lie. 2009 has been rough. I feel more strongly about it than that, but I'm trying to not fall entirely into the swirly twirly darkness of self pity.

But back to the issue at hand- 2009. It just feels like it's been blow after blow- emotionally, physically, spiritually, and professionally. Probably least of all professionally, but that in and of itself has so skewed my worldview. Since when do I look to my job for stability I can't find in any other area of my life? That is so not me.

I was telling someone the other day that this year my faith has taken a beating more than any other, including the years I was so sick. It feels like that was one large trauma, whereas this year has been a multi-front attack.

And it's just exhausting. Everytime I feel like I start to secure my footing, something else- usually major more than minor- flies out from under me. I'm just overwhelmed.

I've tried for quite a while to avoid the pronouncement of flushing the entire year down the proverbial toilet, but sometime last month that dam just burst and now I can't get it out of my head. And the bad part about that is it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, ya know? So that is a catch 22. If I keep saying 2009 sucks, then I'll focus on only the sucky things that happen.

So hence the title. 2009 has 71 days for something(s) fantastic to redeem itself.

I'll be watching and waiting.

Letting go

2009-10-13T20:27:00.000-05:00

Sunday I said a very tearful and sad goodbye to one of my best friends. One of those rare, true friends.

This may sound strange given the past few years, but this is one of the hardest friend goodbyes I can ever remember saying. I've said my fair share over the past few years, but most of them were by my own choosing as I moved hither, thither and yon. And that is different, because when you're on the leaving side, you have many new, wonderful adventures awaiting you, as I know my friend does.

It's hard to not be selfish. I want to be sorry for myself as she leaves. Growing up also means you realize what a treasure true friends are. This year especially has been so difficult, and she offered such stability and security when it felt like everything was falling apart.

But I can't wait to see what the future holds for her. She's following her dreams and the path God has laid out. And even though it is so painful to let go, my prayer is that my joy for her future will be greater than my own sorrow at her loss. And I think it is.

Perhaps that should be my prayer for the year. That the joy of hope will outweigh the sorrow of loss.

*Interestingly enough, this picture was taken the day that we met.

What's your story

2009-09-29T20:29:00.004-05:00

It's amazing what an encouraging word will do.

A few weeks ago I was telling one of my favorite stories from Japan to Scott Lamascus, who was chair of my department from OC when I graduated, and the next day I received a hand written note via campus mail from him, encouraging me to write my stories down.

Also, last week I heard Donald Miller speak (via the webstream from ACU's Lectureships), talking about the importance of story- ours and the world's- in spirituality.

This is something I have been meaning to do for a loooong time. Especially the Japan stories. Now I'm almost 5 years removed, which has given me time to percolate the experience. It's also fresh enough that I can still remember the stories with some clarity.

It's already more daunting than I could have anticipated. But rather than cower away from it like I have done every time before, I'm going to try to journey through this.

Not sure how this is going to play out on the blog, but who knows. Stay tuned! :)

The Lake House Pt. 2

2009-09-22T12:37:00.000-05:00

I also went inner tubing for the first time ever this weekend. Whee! It was a little more intense than I imagined. I think I pulled a muscle in my sternum.

Never did I imagine one of my elders would be flying across a lake on an inner tube with me! Haha... what a blast.

I had no idea what I was getting into.

This was pretty much the story... I held on for dear life while Steve was a pro.

We bonded!

Rebecs was good!

Here was our weekend theme:

The Lake House Pt. 1

2009-09-21T12:21:00.003-05:00

No, not the stupid movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. This is my awesome weekend with two of the elders and their wives from my church and several good friends.

My friend Tara won a weekend lake house getaway at the missions auction earlier this year. We were hosted and spoiled by the Hopkins and the Odors, and had a blast.

Here are some photo highlights. My grandad taught me to fish at an early age, and apparently I haven't lost my skills. :) I caught the first three from the boat in short order! Woo hoo! And no, I wouldn't touch the fish. Eeeeew.

Doesn't it look blissful? Aaah.

People like cats

2009-09-15T18:16:00.004-05:00

A message from Penny Lane.

I hear that your blog has been a little heavy lately. I disapprove.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that people like cats. Such a shame I'm bashful.

PSYCHE! Here I give you pensive.

I call this one blue steel.
Okay, this is absurd. Photo session over.

Back to your regularly scheduled drivel.

Christians and the internet

2009-09-09T21:29:00.003-05:00

I work on the internet. Rather than a technical job, mine is almost like a sociologist, observing how people behave and use the internet, especially to interact. Let's just say I have some experience in observing online behavior. These are some things I've seen that are "part of the job" for me as a marketer, but deeply concern me as a Christian.

And from this I have concluded that the internet is one of the the biggest temptation sinkholes for Christians.

Nope, not talking about p0rn0graphy. Not online gambling or even internet addiction. I'm talking about sins much more subtle than those. These are the sneaky sins that bubble to the top of Christians' internet usage which we overlook or accept.

Let me preface that I have struggled with all these, and some I still do, although my job has been therapeutic for many of these since I see the bad fruit of them daily.

Gossip

No, you may not be spreading stories about people online, but do you read tabloid blogs? You are giving them your attention and mind share. And frankly, each time you visit you are putting money in their pockets by triggering the ads on their site. Might as well buy the Enquirer. They are profiting from your curiosity.

Remember my Facebook sabbatical? I also touched on this there. Maybe you're not telling stories about people, but do you try to put together pieces of their private lives from what you "overhear" online?

Here's another- do you spread information without making sure it's factual? This happens often in email. Snopes.com is a great resource to make sure what you're saying is true. Take a second to check before you pass it on.

Passive aggression

Blogging hit mainstream about 5-6 years ago. With blogging people found an easy way to express their thoughts to virtually the whole world. In some ways this is a powerful, unifying tool. But as with any good thing, Satan is able to counterfeit it to use it for evil.

I manage our university bloggers, and this year I've added a clause in my guidelines about passive aggression. I shouldn't have to, but because of the example set by so many people in "the world" AND "the Church", I felt I should. I basically state- "If you have a problem with someone, you will not use your blog as a vehicle to vent or rant against them. You will deal with them as the Bible instructs in Matthew 18. I will be more than glad to walk through that with you."

Do you write things for an audience about a person, a business, an organization that you wouldn't say to their face? Do you handle conflicts in a manner worthy of Christ, or do you do publicly disgrace them? (This is one I struggle against daily and still fall into; Twitter is like a petri dish for this right now in the name of "customer support".)

And here's one I see a lot. Do you anonymously comment on blogs and say things that you would never attach your name to? If you won't attach your name, then you need to seriously re-think what you're saying. Seriously.

Pride

I work in marketing, which is the hub of self-promotion and self-righteousness. Well, I guess it rivals ministry in that way. Heh... sad joke.

Anyway, it's good to have healthy self-esteem and self-confidence, but to call someone out for the purpose of making yourself look better is not right. It is pride in its purist form. Again, I touched on this in my last blog about a balanced work ethic. Pride and humility are enemies. You can't serve two masters.

In conclusion (wow this is a long blog), my advice to you would be the same as what I'm constantly reminding myself (with varying degrees of success depending on the day and my mood).

If you hesitate, don't post it.

If you wouldn't say it in person, don't type it.

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. :)

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Sorry to ride the soap box, but this is what I deal with day in and day out and has been heavy on my heart lately. Sometimes the whole "being in the world but not of it" is hard!

What do you think? Am I the only one who struggles with these? Did I forget any that are common?

Let's hold ourselves to accountability and honor God with how we conduct ourselves online.

Balanced Work Ethic

2009-08-30T13:01:00.004-05:00

As a teenager, I never was really typical. Yes, I had more than my share of immature moments and impulses, but for the most part I kept my head on my shoulders pretty well. So when it came time for young adulthood, I mentally psshaw-ed the fact that I would succumb to the temptations that come with early professional life.

I feel very blessed to have a job I enjoy and that I do well. I never really expected for either of those things to happen. But still I find myself at a crossroads of deciding where this road is going to lead. Not my career path, necessarily, but what kind of a person am I becoming as I develop professionally.

Sometimes I think, "I should really invest this time that I'm single and childless into doing the long hours and heavy legwork into laying the foundation for my career." Well, that may be true, but at the same time I don't want to look back at this time and life and realize that my primary focus and accomplishment was professional. I want to look back and say, "Thank God that I was sowing seeds of righteousness to grow in my relationship with God!"

Now I'm not saying that pursuing a successful career and a relationship with God are mutually exclusive. They aren't! I believe and pray that my career successes (and sometimes failures) grow out of my faith. I believe firmly that any skills I have are not my own, but something God has entrusted me with at this time to glorify His name.

I think one of the ways I can glorify His name by being good at my job is by not doing business the way the world does. Already (and in increasing measure) I am finding myself doing battle with the beasts of pride and jealousy. In hindsight, it was so naïve to think that I would be above these, but I almost daily catch myself responding with anger to some way I feel someone is slighting me or disrespecting me. It's such an ugly thing, and I want to emphasize it is a constant battleground.

I've also faced the fact that sometimes, if you choose to die to yourself and live the way of Christ, you will lose by earthly measurements to those who act only in their own interest.

But I have great peace with the fact that regardless of what happens, and no matter how difficult it may be at times, if I sow the seeds of righteousness now in my professional life, there will be a spiritual harvest to reap. But really, tilling up the ground is the hardest part. And this is only a process I am now beginning. Many more rows to hoe!

Don’t be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.
-Galatians 6:7-9

Wildlife Refuge

2009-08-18T11:25:00.002-05:00

This weekend I skipped out of urban life and went to the Wichita Mountains National Wildlife Refuge just outside of Lawton, Oklahoma.

I went hiking, although that was not nearly as serene or peaceful as I might have imagined seeing as how it was 100+ degrees and I forgot sunscreen. :) But I still had a great time! It was so enchanting to see purebred longhorn and buffalo up close! And I saw some of them quite up close.

I had a slight mental breakdown at about 2pm when I was sooooo hot and tired and realized I was getting sunburned, but by about 5:30pm I was back in the game and made one last victorious feeling hike up to the tower by Lake Jed Johnson for a beautiful view in golden light.

If you go, I recommend you check out the lakes (Quanah Parker was my favorite), Mt. Scott, and the Parallel Forest.

Below are a few of the keeper pictures I took. You can also click here to see them.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

And then I prayed some more

2009-08-12T21:55:00.005-05:00

At the same time of transition and prayer, several other key things were happening as well.

As I mentioned previously, my church was going through a very tumultuous time. Our singles ministry took the summer of 2007 and visited each elder and wife in their home and prayed over them. It was awesome in a very holy sense of the word. The Spirit was so moving and the presence tangible. It was one of the first times I felt the power of prayer.

Because of the experience of prayer in this setting, I wanted to learn more about prayer. I started scouring the scriptures. And in case you were wondering, the Bible says a lot about prayer. :)

My prayer life to this point had never been strong. I would classify it somewhere around average, and I believe it was very weak. But to read how all of God's children- especially those who were pursuing the Lord's heart- lived and breathed prayer made me realize that I was missing something great.

Our class at church was studying Acts with the specific perspective of considering it not "The Acts of the Apostles" as it is commonly known, but instead "The Acts of the Holy Spirit". I felt like Paul after his conversion in Acts, when the scales fall from his eyes and he can see again after being blinded. It was like a new Bible with fresh stories. I can't explain this other than through the Spirit, because I had been a diligent student of the Bible all of my life. For goodness sakes, I had a degree in it! ;) (As I re-read this paragraph, I realize just how much I did have in common with Paul [sans persecuting the church])

One story that I remember being especially striking to me at this time was in Acts 12. James had just been killed, Peter is imprisoned and the church is in a time of persecution. The church had gathered at Mary's house to pray, and the Lord intervenes, Peter is freed by an angel, and he shows up at the prayer meeting. But the church is shocked when he shows up.

The church prayed, and it changed things. Not in a psychotherapy, self-help, placebo effect way, but in a real way. And this happens over and over and over in the Bible.

So I kept reading the Bible with these fresh eyes, and the Lord continued to turn my little world upside down.

To be continued. Again. :)

Your kingdom come

2009-08-11T21:37:00.003-05:00

The past two years of my spiritual life have been beautiful and difficult and wild. For whatever reason, I finally feel called to kind of journal through or talk about some of those things that have happened here.

2007 was a very transitional year. In January I had decided not to move back to Brazil, then moved back to Oklahoma City. Much of that year was spent looking for and changing jobs and trying to figure out what my career path would be. I started attending my church at a very tumultuous time in their history. I joined a :::gasp::: singles ministry. It was a difficult time in the amount and intensity of change, but it was also a very blessed time.

I remember in July of 2007 I was unemployed, and it was terrible. I was so depressed. But every morning I would walk around my neighborhood and pray. And in particular I would pray the Lord's prayer and meditate and elaborate on each phrase as I felt compelled. And I remember so often being stuck on the phrase "your kingdom come."

So often I would repeat that phrase- Your kingdom come, your kingdom come. And I'd ask the Lord to open my heart to what it meant. Since I've always had a heart for oppressed people, I thought perhaps it was about that- bringing the justice of the Lord to the earth. But little did I know what I was praying for and the answers I'd soon receive.

To be continued. :) But in the meantime, what does "Your kingdom come" mean to you?

Freely you have received

2009-08-05T21:06:00.006-05:00

It's been a year since I got back from Honduras, so you know what that means...

Not the most flattering picture, but woo hoo!

So happy to be able to donate again!

As you go, preach this message: "The kingdom of heaven is near." Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. -Matthew 10:7-8

Family Photo Friday- Dearly Beloved

2009-08-03T19:55:00.002-05:00

Now that looks like a couple who is going to have some beautiful children. :)

What, you say? It's not Friday? I don't know what you're talking about...

Facebook Sabbatical

2009-07-26T21:36:00.005-05:00

If you don't use Facebook this may not make any sense.

I'm a little bit impulsive. Those who knows me well know this. So it came as no surprise to me when Friday morning on the way to work I was struck with an impression- to shut down my Facebook page for a while. It felt like a pretty strong compulsion, so by the time I got to work I was pretty resolved. I thought it was temporary, but wasn't sure how long it would be. So by Friday afternoon I deactivated my account.

More people than I anticipated mentioned it, so I thought I might take a moment to explain why I wasn't surprised when I got the impression and chose to follow it.

First being I work in "social media." This is the Facebook, the Myspace, the Twitter... :) And so when you do something at work, it become very wearing to use it also at home. I'm not going to burn out in my career that way.

The next points are going to incorporate things I have learned through my work in social media in both professional and personal use.

I quit to avoid the temptation to get into other people's business. I think about a year ago I made the conscious decision to not snoop through other people's lives on Facebook. I find it very disingenuous to try to learn a person's life and happenings through what people are saying to them or what they are saying to other people. So even though I've stayed quite well to that personal conviction, it is still tempting. Plus, people have drawn conclusions about my life from what they may see other people saying to me or I say to other people. I don't like that.

Also, people behave online in a way that they generally wouldn't in person. I think there are several reason for this. One, electronic media let you act as quickly as your emotions come. That can lead to many unwise things said, etched in cyberspace for all eternity. :) Two, in person to person contact, there are social mores that help us get along. We change topics of conversation and tone for the person we are with. However when you are mass communicating with one voice, that can become a mess.

Finally, Facebook is a gigantic time suck. If I find myself with extra time, I find I can easily waste it by surfing through Facebook. And generally in those times I find myself violating my no-snooping rule. Already in the 2 days sans Facebook I have found so much more valuable things to do. I have read, listened to sermons, made a stronger effort to hang out with friends. It's been good.

So there you have it. I judge no one for using Facebook, but knowing myself, my weaknesses, and my tendencies, I found it necessary to take a break and re-center my time priorities. Like I said, I think this is only temporary, and will probably be back in about a month.

Fine Print

2009-07-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

Each week we have a theme, and tell a few stories along that theme...
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When I was in high school, the What Would Jesus Do bracelet fad hit the scene. Since I was already a "Jesus Freak", I figured the least I could do was wear my dedication for Christ on my wrist.

At some point in there I read the book on which the slogan was based- "In His Steps" by Charles Sheldon. The story is simple and dated. Simply put, a small group of members at a traditional, evangelical, conservative church decide to live their lives by not only considering what Jesus would do in the situation, but then actually doing it. The results were fantastic and powerful. (I highly recommend this book.)

I remember I got to the end of the book and was thoroughly perplexed. I was always a "good Christian", very involved, very law abiding. :) But to follow Jesus, even when it's confusing, even when it turns your life upside down, even when it makes no sense to you or the world around you... that seemed a bit much to me.

But at some point the Lord finally broke through my hard head, and I had a conversation with myself that went something like this:

Well, I don't know if I really want to commit to this lifestyle. It seems scary and hard. Who knows what I'll end up doing.

Oh crap... I am a Christian. I gave my life to Christ. This is not a decision yet to be made; this is a decision I already made. I'm following Christ.

Gulp.

That moment, to me, was one of those moments when something cosmic happened. I believe that that small confession of faith was a time when the Lord seized something deep within me, and has grown that mustard seed since.

There is a beautifully dangerous song called "Upside Down" by Luke Wood that prays-
Turn my little world upside down... Into your hands I commit my Spirit.

I had no idea what I was getting into as a 15 year old committing my life to Christ. And now as I wake up every morning and renew my mind in the Word and in prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit to lead my life, I still don't know.

But it's exciting. And it's valuable. And it's significant. And it's the life that I was created to live.

Family Photo Friday- Sue

2009-07-24T15:31:00.004-05:00

Sue was technically my second cousin, but she was really like an aunt to me. She gave me my teddy bear that was my prized possession for many many years on my first birthday. She was fun and charming and sweet and had such a dear heart. She loved her family ferociously.

She died long before her time when I was a senior in college. I really do miss her.

I recently found these photos and love them so much because they're so expressive of the youth, beauty, attitude and mystery of her.

Only the Lonely

2009-07-20T21:38:00.003-05:00

This is probably one of the most honest and vulnerable blogs I've written, so we'll see if it stays up until tomorrow...

I have never wanted to be the stereotypical anything. So when it comes to being the stereotypical 20-something single, this applies at least doubly.

But lately I feel the Lord has been pressing me to pray about the fact that- despite my fervent denial- I am lonely.

I live alone. My closest family is 5 hours away by car, in another state. I have good friends, but most of them have their own families and all of them have their own lives to be concerned with. More often than not, between the time I leave work and go back to work the next day, I haven't talked to anyone. And most of this is by choice- I am an introvert and that both serves me well and is a stumbling block.

I probably have less of a problem than most when it comes to going places alone. I have always been independent, but at the same time it is painful still to sit alone in a sea of families of many sorts. There's also a healthy dose of pride hurting there as well, I can't deny. I hate to feel like people pity me, although it's probably more my paranoia than reality.

Please understand, my family loves me dearly and I have more amazing friends than I could ever deserve, but it's the small things that make up life no one really knows.

My coworkers have heard more useless anecdotes of my life than they can probably count, simply because when I come to work, there are people- really the only people I see interact with regularly. I have things I want to share with someone, and they are my friends and they are there. And graciously they haven't told me to shut up yet. :)

Life is made up of the little things. Our victories are primarily small victories, and those small victories often have stories behind them, so if no one knows the stories, how can they share my victories? The same with defeats.

I think that the recent, ongoing issues at my church have contributed to this feeling and realization.

And perhaps through partly this urge to remain un-typical and greater part due to God's work in me, I refuse to wallow or make myself comfortable in this feeling of loneliness.

Instead it becomes a call to prayer. And not the formulated, Sunday school prayers, but the honest cries of a child to her Father. I believe that when we talk with our Father honestly, he is thrilled to be invited into our hearts and begin his work in us.

And I realize that this is certainly not a issue that singles alone face. In fact I think in many ways it is a much deeper pain to feel lonely in a marriage or in a family, and there are sadly many who feel that way.

But God is both good and faithful, and I will trust him alone to fill the loneliness I feel rather than trusting in the counterfeit company the world suggests or provides.

Title blatantly ripped off from a wonderful, highly recommended sermon series at The Village Church in Denton, Texas by Paul Matthies, which can be heard here.

Family Photo Friday- Mom

2009-07-17T12:24:00.003-05:00

It's my mom's birthday. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful mom. She has taught me so much about selfless love and I hope to be close to the woman and mother she is.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of her.

My mom in a great jacket, my grandmother, my dad

Thirsty

2009-07-15T20:16:00.005-05:00

When I was very sick a few years ago, much of the time while I was in the hospital, I was NPO, which meant no drinking and no eating. I received my necessary nutrients through IV. Throughout my months in the hospital I'd guess that I went at least a month at a time without being able to eat or drink.

Even though I was receiving necessary nutrition via IV, it was terrible. The hunger eventually went away, because I don't remember being hungry very often.

But the thirst. Ooooh, the thirst. I was always thirsty.

My mind was like an Ozarka commercial on a constant loop. I wasn't a big water drinker before then, but so many times I remember saying to myself, "After I get better, I could drink crystal clear water for the rest of my life and live in bliss."

My poor parents could tell you stories of how I would beg for something to drink. I was really unfair to them, but I was desperate. "Just a sip." And even though I thought just a sip would satisfy this primal need, it only made me more thirsty. A taste of water was never enough, and only left me longing for more.

God has brought this to my mind often in the past year. I think it's been to teach me of how I approach His heart.

We're all thirsty, and too often try to satisfy it through cheap substitutes for what we really need. Still our souls become more desperate for pure water. And once you get a sip of the living water, it only leaves you wanting more.

Praise God that He promises us streams of living water flowing through us in His Spirit.

Revelation 22:17:
The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” Let anyone who hears this say, “Come.” Let anyone who is thirsty come. Let anyone who desires drink freely from the water of life.

John 4:10 & 13-14:
Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water... Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life."

John 7:37-39:
"Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’” When he said “living water,” he was speaking of the Spirit, who would be given to everyone believing in him.

From Misty Edwards, Lovesick:
Happy am I to live a hungry life
And blessed am I to thirst
My desire for you is my gift within
And I am blessed, I am blessed among men!

Family Photo Friday- Cousins

2009-07-11T09:53:00.004-05:00

My cousin and I were born almost exactly a year apart, me being older. In fact, I was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Spoiled much? :)

They liked to dress my cousin and I alike.

I'm on the left, which I think should be obvious. I have been told I was a very happy baby. :)

Blood donors saved my life

2009-07-07T17:05:00.006-05:00

I decided to sit down and record a short message explaining why I am so passionate about blood donation.

Super short version? Blood donors saved my life.

Please give if you can.

If you are in the OKC area, I'm organizing a blood drive at my church this Sunday. You get 2 free zoo tickets! Comment for details.

Also, on August 3rd I'm eligible to give again (post-Honduras). I plan to go then and I'd love to take someone with me to donate!

Thanks for taking the time to listen.

My trip to Prague... Oklahoma

2009-07-02T22:25:00.004-05:00

For the past 10 years as I drive between Oklahoma City and Texas, one sign has teased... nay, beckoned me.

On I-40, at Exit 200, there is The Shrine to the Infant Jesus at Prague.

The signs face both eastbound and westbound, and say nothing but the title, and "The more you honor me, the more I will bless you."

Every single time I pass by, I want to stop, but never have. But last week, my friends, oh I stopped. But little did I know what a charming town awaited me in Prague!

First of all, I should clarify this is Prague, Oklahoma, and pronounced "Pray-ge", not like the European city. But truly pictures tell 1000 words, so here you go- Polaroid style.

This first pic sums up Prague. Trains, Czechoslovakia, and Jim Thorpe. "A small town with a large heart"- and I believe it!

KOLACHE FESTIVAL! Some day I hope to attend this. Maybe next year!

This is truly one of the most charming church signs I have ever seen. I can't put my finger on why, but I really loved it.

And lest you think they don't know how to have a good time in Prague...

And the main attraction! The Shrine to the Infant Jesus at Prague. See video below for more detail.

Thanks, Prague. I really did enjoy my short stay. I hope to go back to visit.

Land Run

2009-06-26T13:43:00.004-05:00

Not quite a Family Photo Friday.

I went down to Bricktown (in downtown Oklahoma City) and had fun taking pictures of the Land Run statues down there. I aged them for fun.

I like the silhouettes of downtown in the background of this one.

I like that he's gazing towards the Sonic headquarters.

Proust Questionnaire

2009-06-22T21:54:00.000-05:00

Proust Questionnaire (slightly modified)

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Finding fulfillment in God's value of me.

What is your greatest fear?
Settling for average.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Shutting down when I get frustrated.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Pessimism.

What is your greatest extravagance?
I have a nice car. I don't want to get stranded somewhere.

What is your current state of mind?
Perplexed.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Piety.

On what occasion do you lie?
When the truth hurts.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I always wanted to be long and lean, but instead I'm short and stubby.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Bravery

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Warmth

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
The Lord and the glory of his creation

When and where were you happiest?
I'm still taken aback by pictures of myself in Brazil. I'm just glowing with joy. The same could be said of Honduras last summer. Simplicity, love, joy.

Which talent would you most like to have?
I would love to have some basic nursing or first aid skills. Enough knowledge to be a Spanish medical translator.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd like to be less impulsive.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Not just surviving some tough medical crises in the past few years, but coming out on the other end stronger than I started.

Where would you most like to live?
Within 15 miles of the people I love. Ha! There are pros to living in many different places. Except Louisiana. Haha! I kid. Sort of.

What is your most treasured possession?
As Family Photo Friday suggests, I hold a lot of my family's photographs.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Hopelessness. When you just don't believe there is any way for things to get better.

What is your favorite occupation?
Nursing. What an incredible calling.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably conviction. If I have a gut feeling something isn't right, it's hard to shake.

What do you most value in your friends?
Their perseverance. My best friends and family watched me almost die and still stood by my side, ready to go through it with me at great emotional cost to them.

Who are your favorite writers?
John Steinbeck, Pearl Buck, Walt Whitman

Who is your hero of fiction?
Atticus Finch

Who are your heroes in real life?
Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King... those who stood up against injustice knowing they would pay a great price.

What is your greatest regret?
Not keeping in touch with my friends and family around the world better. There are a few specific instances when I wish I had done something and did nothing, and I regret that.

What is your motto?
Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.

He must become greater; I must become less. -John 3:30

Be holy and be nice.

Family Photo Friday- Father's Day

2009-06-20T10:23:00.008-05:00

Here's to the fathers! Of course first is my own father. Happy Father's Day, Dad! I use this picture often, but I love it. Me and my dad:

My dad and my sister, Molly:

Molly, Dad and Me in 2003(?):

My dad with his dad:

My mom with her dad:

Most wonderful time of the year

2009-06-13T23:50:00.004-05:00

You know what this means... hydrangeas!

And these are the smartest little flowers ever. I thought they were sweet peas, but they're actually called Four O'Clocks. Pretty appropriate name, since that's about the time they start blooming. They shut up tight during the hot summer days and only open in the cool of evening at night. And they smell WONDERFUL. I highly advise putting them in your garden, although beware they grow rather wildly.

One day I'd like to plant a full night garden. Wouldn't that be fantastic?

OKC Zoo

2009-06-10T20:34:00.003-05:00

Last week I took a personal day and finally went to the Oklahoma City Zoo. It was so wonderful! I ran around for several hours taking tons of pictures and admiring the wildlife.

My favorite part was the Butterfly Experience. Enchanting! And the gorillas. So much like us.

I loved it. Highly recommend you visit. Here are my photos below. Yes, I found some flowers to photograph. :) And I can't photograph animals well.

Enjoy. Click here for the set or view below.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Family Photo Friday- Shades

2009-06-05T17:58:00.002-05:00

I love this picture of my grandmother and my mom. My mom is such a doll! I love those shades.

Don't placate me, Dove Chocolate!

2009-05-27T17:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Dove,

I bought a bag of your sweet chocolate the other day because I just needed chocolate and encouragement, and you are kind enough to supply both in a bite sized wrapper.

The chocolate has lived up to all it is known to be, but the encouraging messages, not so much.

I have gotten gems such as "Patience is a virtue." "Don't judge others or yourself." Or of the Drink More Ovaltine variety of fail, "Enjoy a Dove Chocolate."

What on earth! If I am eating chocolate for comfort, for the love, don't tell me patience is a virtue. If I wanted to believe that at the moment, I would not be eating chocolate. And no, I won't judge myself for eating away the pain, but please don't bring it up!

What happened to the good old messages that made me love Dove Chocolate? Or perhaps you could have different varieties. I suggest the self-pitying variety, the vengeful variety, The sucky day variety, the I am woman hear me roar variety, and maybe even the home spun wisdom variety. Those holier than me can keep the nice platitudes.

All in all, I still love the product, but would like to see more chocolate appropriate messaging. :)

Cheers,

Sojochick

Family Photo Friday- Mule Pack

2009-05-25T09:21:00.006-05:00

In 1950, my paternal grandfather, Harloe, enlisted in the Army. Having grown up with a deep love for horses and mules, he had heard rumors of a "Mule Pack" artillery division, and asked if he could volunteer for it. He was immediately told that all volunteers were welcome, because few people wanted to work with mules.

My grandfather, however, loved it.

Lest you wonder what on earth purpose mules served to the military, they were used to haul weapons (75mm howitzers) in difficult terrain where vehicles and people couldn't carry them.

In addition to being pack mules, some were trained to ride. My grandfather worked with a mule he named Flag. Here are his words about the meeting.

"One cold morning when I picked up his right foreleg, he straightened it out and his hoof came down on my foot. I thought it was broken, but in a few minutes I was able to walk on it. I went up to him and kicked his shin, and when he picked up his leg I caught it and examined it. The next morning I repeated the process and he picked up his leg again. From then on I could snap my finger and he would raise his leg. I told everyone I taught him to shake hands, but didn't bother to tell them about my stomped foot."

By the age of 20, my grandfather had been promoted to Field First Sergeant over most of the entire Mule Pack because of his skill with and knowledge of the animals.

Discharged in 1953, he thought that was the last of the Mule Pack. Two years later, newly married to my grandmother, they visited some relatives and happened to take a trip to Ft. Carson, home of the army mule corral. Wondering if Flag was there, my grandfather started looking.

He says, "I was looking for a black mule with number 38H1, and when I found him he would know me. [My great-uncle] asked how I would know he knew me. I said that he would shake hands with me. When I found Flag, I went up to his right foreleg and snapped my finger. He picked up that leg and placed his foot in my waiting hand just as he had done when I was his master. I still wonder what went through his mind that day..."

------

Happy Memorial Day. Be sure to say thank you. And technically, yes, Family Photo Monday.

Photo on top is my grandfather on the right with mules. The bottom photo is my grandfather and Flag.

Family Photo Friday- In my blood

2009-05-15T21:55:00.000-05:00

These are my paternal great-great-great-grandparents, Richard and Zenobia. I've always been told she was 100% Native American.

Return to the scene of the crime

2009-05-12T20:31:00.003-05:00

Each week we have a theme, and tell a few stories along that theme...

In case you don't know, I love This American Life, and one reason is because of the range of stories that can all be told along the same theme. So, I have decided each week I will jack one of their show themes and play my own riff, if you will.

Act I- Return to the Scene of the Crime

I have spent probably three months of my life at Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City. Over a few of years that's not a lot of time, but when you consider it was in two chunks and some of the worst days of my life, the time feels much longer.

Graciously, many of those days I don't remember, thanks to the passage of time and the beauty of pain medication. But it never fails that when I return to that hospital, my senses catapult me back and memories flow freely that are otherwise repressed.

I smell the hand sanitizer, hear the beeping of IV machines, walk by the surgical waiting room, and my stomach lurches and breath quickens as the anxiety clutches my chest a little tighter.

But then I stop, take a breath, and remember that I'm here on the other side. And with each trip to return to the scene of the crime, I walk away a little stronger, a lot more grateful, and more healed.