Contradictions

Am I the confident one that speaks up in Bible class sounding as though I know what I'm talking about?

Am I the insecure one who doesn't really reveal who I am or what I think for fear you'll run?

Am I the sweet one, always with a listening ear and a hand to hold?

Am I the absent one who can't be reached by phone or email or smoke signal

Am I the steady one, the moral compass, the calming presence

Am I the impatient one who shakes her fist at crazy drivers on the road?

Am I the resilient one who has overcome enormous physical difficulties

Am I the public one, who twitters, facebooks, and blogs on a regular basis?

Am I a country girl from small town Texas?

Am I really a sojochick- world traveler, cross-cultural, rolling stone?

Am I a writer, web-designer, English teacher?

Faithful and faithless,
Humble and proud,
Strong and weak,
Sensitive and hard,
Saint and sinner.

By the grace of God, I'm all of the above.

Father, in your mercy, give us peace with ourselves and our many contradictions. Make us more in your image and use our many broken, crooked pieces to reveal your glory.

image from http://www.postsecret.com/

Questions?

A recent trend for bloggers has been to do an open forum, asking readers to submit questions then answering them.

I am trying to focus a little more time on my writing, so while I'm doing that I'm going to open up the floor for you guys to ask me questions.

You have four years worth of fodder in my archives, and I will answer anything tasteful and appropriate for the blogsphere. I will answer anonymous questions that are respectful.

Ask away!

PS- New poll on the left.

A nice little life

A few weeks ago, I read the following passage and it stopped me in my tracks. It stepped on my toes to the degree that I literally closed the book and wouldn’t open it again for a week.

As I come to grips with what this message and my reaction means, I wanted to share it here:

An old saint told me years ago that the devil doesn’t so much care what particular thing he gets us to fall prey to. His primary aim is simply to get us to do something outside of Christ, for then we are vulnerable.

I want two things that are mutually opposed-- I want to live a nice little life, and I want to play an important role in God’s kingdom. And it’s in those times that I am trying to live a nice little life that I make decisions and choices that cause me in small and subtle ways to live outside of Jesus. The shepherd is headed one direction, and I am headed another. Not some flagrant sin—that’s too easy to recognize. Instead, I’m simply wandering off looking for the pasture I deem best. I don’t even think to ask God about it.

A very dangerous way of thinking.

As Christians we don’t get to live a “normal” life, and accepting that fact in all the details of our lives is what allows us to remain in Jesus.

There’s something we need to be honest about; part of us doesn’t really want to hear what God has to say.

Really. Even after years of God’s rescues and surprises and blessing upon blessing, there’s part of me that gets irritated when someone say, “Let’s ask God.” The act itself is a disruption. Sometimes it feels like grinding the gears. Stop? Now? Ask God? I’m bugged. That’s part of it. The other part of it is, if we do hear something, we’ll have to obey.

I don’t ask because I don’t want to know. If I know what God thinks, then I’m faced with the decision of whether to follow His counsel or not. What was initially just a quandary or moment of confusion becomes an issue of obedience. I don’t want that sort of clarity. Furthermore, I don’t want God messing with my approach to life.

And so we come back to holiness. To ask is an act of holiness, because we are seeking to follow our Shepherd. To live by faith in him. Then we are faced with the choice to obey what we hear, and our holiness is deepened.

What I am describing is a heart that is present and engaged with God, bringing our desires to him, yet submitting our wills to his, genuinely trusting what he says is best.

“Walking with God,” by John Eldridge -pp. 90-92

Obstacles

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties."
-Oswald Chambers

"I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."
-Psalm 121:1-2

Busy and Pictureful!

Rarely has my life been so eventful. And lucky for you, pictureful.

This weekend I went to Texas for Mother's Day:

I love my mom.

I love my grandmother.

Oh, dear dog nephew. I guess I "love" him, too. :)

Then yesterday I BOUGHT A NEW CAR! Holy cow... I'm still reeling from that. :) But I'm very happy! Any good name suggestions? I pride myself in unique and clever names.


And tonight, thanks to the generosity of some dear people, we had our blood donor appreciation night at Incredible Pizza!

We even had a special sign to lead us to our room!

This is our INCREDIBLE group! Who loves blood donors... WE DO!

I love this baby! We are raising the roof here. Although not pictured, he did bust a few moves of his own.

One of my favorite things was the go-kart race! Let's bump this taco stand! ;)

Fierce competition.

I got to wear these sweet, sexy racing shoes.

And then I WON, suckas! :) BOOYA!

But my favorite part was seeing so much of this sweet smile. I love this boy!

Last but certainly not least, my rock star office launched the new, re-designed www.oc.edu today!!! I am so so so proud of my co-workers, and am so blessed in a million ways to work where I do with the people I do.

WHEW! Busy, busy few days. But I've had a blast. Hopefully life will calm down to a normal speed soon, but in the meantime, I am so grateful for the beautiful blessings God seems to be raining on me.

Trajectory

For a person who made her only C in physics, I think a lot about trajectory.

Trajectory is fantastic. It's predictable! It lets you see where an object has been, then take its current direction and speed to tell you where it's going to end up.

It's true for inanimate objects, but it's also true for lives.

I think that through honest self-examination and the power of the Spirit, it is possible to determine your life trajectory.

The past few days I have tried to do some serious soul searching as to where I've been, where I am, and where I'm headed. In some areas, I'm so thrilled and praise God for the victories he's given. In other areas, I'm shocked at how far off base I've gotten and how I don't seem to be doing anything to change that direction.

Self-assessment is not for the faint of heart. It takes intestinal fortitude, an honest eye for the good and bad, and conviction that the Spirit of God can do anything and is truly the author of all good things. But, if we're ever going to live the lives we were called to live, then it's necessary. Thank God for the vision of trajectory.

Thank you, Father, for opening our eyes to see who we are and where we're headed. You are greater than any other force that tries to determine our trajectory, and we praise you for healing broken roads and directing our paths.

Retreat '08

One of the reasons for my being much too busy lately is the fact that I was helping plan the QSYS Spring Retreat.

My idea for a theme was Spiritual Gladiators (including the joust and gauntlet... it's all metaphorical, right?), but it never got off the ground.

However, I did invent a new game (patent pending): dramatic interpretations of Sunday school songs. Favorites included "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" and "Joy down in my heart."