I'm a survivor

In case we don't talk often or you don't use twitter, long story short- I have a stress fracture in my leg. This was determined through a bone scan I had done last week. I should note that during the bone scan, there was a complication with the injection and my vein swelled and leaked a lot of blood. The pictures are a bit graphic, but you can see some on my Twitpic stream over the past week. I'm fine now; it was the equivalent of a bad bruise.

Today as I was in the doctor's office, he mentioned that he wanted to do more blood work, but quickly brushed it off and said, "don't worry about doing it today, you can wait a few weeks." But I insisted that I'd rather get it done today and get the results back sooner. He explained that he didn't want to pressure me into doing it so soon given my bad experience last week at the bone scan. I told him I wasn't concerned.

He asked why it was that I had such a good attitude about all of this. I suppose I should have credited faith or God or Jesus or something, but the first thing that came to mind is what I said: "I work in marketing. It's my job to see the good in things." And that's true.

But perhaps moreover, it's because- especially where health is concerned- I believe in principles of survival. I've always leaned towards the fatalistic, but in some ways that's made me optimistic. Let me explain. Bad stuff happens. Bad stuff happens in spite of justice, in most cases. You don't deserve it, but you equally don't deserve to avoid it. Sometimes by accepting that, you are mentally prepared to tackle the situation at hand. It's how we survive. More importantly- it's how we progress and become stronger as individuals and as a society.

What can I say, I'm a naturalist at heart, and these are my rambling thoughts tonight. :)

Signs of maturity

Over the last year I've had to make several difficult life decisions. They've almost all involved doing the right thing that was the significantly harder thing.

And ya know what? Looking back, I have no regrets. I'm proud of each of those.

It's a good feeling.

When to trust yourself

I've been slowly trying to get back into running. In a case of unfortunate timing, we are several weeks into an oppressive heat wave here in OKC. Triple digits daily... the lowest temp I've seen in a while is 77. I go running in the mornings though, so it's not so bad.

Today though, perhaps because the heat was reminiscent of a sweat lodge, I had an epiphany. While I was running I got confused. You see, I plan my routes out very carefully pre-running so I know when to run and when to walk and how far I'm going, gone, and have yet to go. But today, mid-run, I thought I made a mistake in planning. But as I cooled down, I realized that I had, in fact, planned correctly.

Here's the epiphany: oxygen-deprived, running, tired, sweaty Ann should trust calm, cool, collected rested Ann to make the decisions. This is hard to remember in times of distress. It also comes to play in when I want to quit mid-exercise. Rested Ann knows what I am capable of; tired Ann is doubtful.

Think of all the other areas of life this can apply to- relationally, professionally, spiritually. Although I'm a big fan of the gut decision, decisions are best made when you are able to have perspective. When you're at a place of peace and rest. Sure, this isn't always possible, but when it is we should plan ahead.

Trust yourself. But know when to trust yourself. :)