This is probably one of the most honest and vulnerable blogs I've written, so we'll see if it stays up until tomorrow...
I have never wanted to be the stereotypical anything. So when it comes to being the stereotypical 20-something single, this applies at least doubly.
But lately I feel the Lord has been pressing me to pray about the fact that- despite my fervent denial- I am lonely.
I live alone. My closest family is 5 hours away by car, in another state. I have good friends, but most of them have their own families and all of them have their own lives to be concerned with. More often than not, between the time I leave work and go back to work the next day, I haven't talked to anyone. And most of this is by choice- I am an introvert and that both serves me well and is a stumbling block.
I probably have less of a problem than most when it comes to going places alone. I have always been independent, but at the same time it is painful still to sit alone in a sea of families of many sorts. There's also a healthy dose of pride hurting there as well, I can't deny. I hate to feel like people pity me, although it's probably more my paranoia than reality.
Please understand, my family loves me dearly and I have more amazing friends than I could ever deserve, but it's the small things that make up life no one really knows.
My coworkers have heard more useless anecdotes of my life than they can probably count, simply because when I come to work, there are people- really the only people I see interact with regularly. I have things I want to share with someone, and they are my friends and they are there. And graciously they haven't told me to shut up yet. :)
Life is made up of the little things. Our victories are primarily small victories, and those small victories often have stories behind them, so if no one knows the stories, how can they share my victories? The same with defeats.
I think that the recent, ongoing issues at my church have contributed to this feeling and realization.
And perhaps through partly this urge to remain un-typical and greater part due to God's work in me, I refuse to wallow or make myself comfortable in this feeling of loneliness.
Instead it becomes a call to prayer. And not the formulated, Sunday school prayers, but the honest cries of a child to her Father. I believe that when we talk with our Father honestly, he is thrilled to be invited into our hearts and begin his work in us.
And I realize that this is certainly not a issue that singles alone face. In fact I think in many ways it is a much deeper pain to feel lonely in a marriage or in a family, and there are sadly many who feel that way.
But God is both good and faithful, and I will trust him alone to fill the loneliness I feel rather than trusting in the counterfeit company the world suggests or provides.
Title blatantly ripped off from a wonderful, highly recommended sermon series at The Village Church in Denton, Texas by Paul Matthies, which can be heard here.