|Dogs at the new digs. Standing by my future garden.|
To be fair, there is some sense of anticipation of a clean slate. Something new. Blah blah blah.
Last year I moved to Norman in unfortunate circumstances. It was last minute, not my decision, and beyond my control. I didn't feel comfortable with my knowledge of the options in Norman. I found a nice place, thankfully, and had a good experience there (shout out to Elite Properties if you're looking for Norman rentals!). But I never really unpacked. Never hung things up on the wall. Very much viewed the apartment as a part time pit stop. It was my apartment and not my home.
Similarly, for the past year, whenever I have got back into downtown or midtown OKC, it has broken my heart. I missed it so much and had such good memories there.
But last weekend when I was in OKC, I drove through my old neighborhood, by my old house, and just felt happy memories. I realized that now I'm looking forward to the future and accepting the past with thankfulness.
Don't get me wrong. A couple of days ago I had my first moment of OMG WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING THIS IS CRAZY PANTS WHY ARE YOU MOVING TO A CHICKEN FARM IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND HAVE TO JOIN FARMERSONLY.COM !
It is pretty crazy. After I calmed down a bit, I reminded myself that the most fun times in my life are when I just leaned into the crazy.
There are still things that get under my skin. I'm in my 30's and I'm still renting a house in a place I don't see myself in indefinitely. I get so jealous when I think of my friends who have settled down in a house or a city or a place where they see themselves for the long haul. I'm still not to that point yet. It's no secret that I hope to move back to Texas sometime in the next few years.
I guess many of us have a bit of homesickness in our hearts. Sometimes you're not even sure what it means that you want, but it is there. In the meantime, lean into the craziness. :)