Different circumstances, some bad and some good, have just made this an extremely stressful year.
Hopefully over the next few weeks as I reflect and look forward, I want to write down some of what I've learned and experienced, and hope to use in the future.
One of the stressful parts of this year was my job. I went from a job that was "good" but boring me to death, to a job I really enjoy but is very challenging.
I've had ridiculously good career luck over the past 6 years. I am grateful every day, no matter how stressful things become, because I know that others struggle in that arena. But as I am now officially a 30 something professional woman who has found success, there are a whole new world of lessons to be learned.
One that I stand by very strongly, especially in the events over the past year, is to not apologize. Of course I don't mean to not apologize when you are wrong or have wronged someone, but I think that at least in the part of the world I have grown up in, women are supposed to be retiring and somewhat shrinking violets, and always put others' feelings above their own.
Well, at some point I noticed myself apologizing for things that that I absolutely should not have. I won't apologize for my success. I won't apologize for good work I do. I won't apologize that my work was recognized over someone else's. I won't apologize for doing my best.
Of course this plays into personal decisions, as well. For example, I am always apologizing- whether in my head or in actuality- for feeling like a burden to others. This means I never ask for help, and if I do, I laden it with apologizes for even asking. I apologize for having feelings. I apologize for not being enough. I apologize for both my strengths and weaknesses. Do you see how twisted this can make a person?
Of course there are times to be truly sorry. Ironically, when I stopped apologizing for things I shouldn't be sorry for, it brought some things into clearer focus that I did need to apologize for and address in my life.
Growing is hard.