A year of learning- no apologies

2013 has been a difficult year. I was tempted to say that by the end of January, but tried to give it a chance. Then I wanted to say it in July, but again I held out hope. But as December runs its course, it feels fair game.

Different circumstances, some bad and some good, have just made this an extremely stressful year. 

Hopefully over the next few weeks as I reflect and look forward, I want to write down some of what I've learned and experienced, and hope to use in the future.

One of the stressful parts of this year was my job. I went from a job that was "good" but boring me to death, to a job I really enjoy but is very challenging. 

I've had ridiculously good career luck over the past 6 years. I am grateful every day, no matter how stressful things become, because I know that others struggle in that arena. But as I am now officially a 30 something professional woman who has found success, there are a whole new world of lessons to be learned.

One that I stand by very strongly, especially in the events over the past year, is to not apologize. Of course I don't mean to not apologize when you are wrong or have wronged someone, but I think that at least in the part of the world I have grown up in, women are supposed to be retiring and somewhat shrinking violets, and always put others' feelings above their own.

Well, at some point I noticed myself apologizing for things that that I absolutely should not have. I won't apologize for my success. I won't apologize for good work I do. I won't apologize that my work was recognized over someone else's. I won't apologize for doing my best.

Of course this plays into personal decisions, as well. For example, I am always apologizing- whether in my head or in actuality- for feeling like a burden to others. This means I never ask for help, and if I do, I laden it with apologizes for even asking. I apologize for having feelings. I apologize for not being enough. I apologize for both my strengths and weaknesses. Do you see how twisted this can make a person?

Of course there are times to be truly sorry. Ironically, when I stopped apologizing for things I shouldn't be sorry for, it brought some things into clearer focus that I did need to apologize for and address in my life.

Growing is hard. 

Sojies 2009

2009 Sojies

To be honest I wasn't really keen on doing this this year, but I'm a sucker for tradition and this is year four.

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
I'm not sure I can pin a specific moment. Not in a debbie downer way, but I'm not sure. I took a couple of personal days to just go out and spend time outdoors, which was wonderful and provided me a lot of clarity and re-centering.

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
My church firing the preacher I loved and the ensuing (and ongoing) consequences.

LESSON LEARNED THIS YEAR?
Perseverance is hard.

BEST HOLIDAY?
Thanksgiving

SONG FOR 2009?
"Still" by Zoe Group has meant a lot to me.

BEST MOVIE OF 2009?
I don't know. Um... Benjamin Button or Up. I'm not sure if Benjamin Button came out this year, but I saw it this year.

BEST BOOK OF 2009?
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller really impacted me.

BEST TV SHOW OF 2009?
30 Rock is hilarious to me. I'm compare myself to Liz Lemon too often. I also finally caught up on Lost, which was fantastic.

ANY REGRETS?
There were times I should have kept my mouth shut.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Several times I had to purposefully decide to do nothing and wait. I'm terrible at that, but it was the best decision.

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Church has changed a lot. Work has changed a lot.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Keep on keeping on.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR?
To do better. To balance work and relaxation. To abide.

Fresh start

Technically, it's just another day. But it's new day- a fresh start. I bought my favorite day planner for the year, and it's empty. Clean slate.

Write in those evenings with friends.
Write in the nights at the gym.
Write in weekends to go home and spend with family.
Write in loved ones' birthdays and anniversaries.
Write in time alone.
Write in the important things that may quickly go by the wayside as other things fill up your schedule.

It's a new day. And if you screw today up, there's always tomorrow. It'll be a new day, too.

2008 Sojies

The past two years I've written the "Sojie Awards"- how's that for self-aggrandizement? :) While filling it out this year, though, I realized I didn't like several of the questions, so I'm writing my own year end review using some of the old questions but also throwing in some new ones.

2008 Sojies!

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
The trip to Honduras was such a magnificent and profound blessing. Paris was also perfect. :)

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Ooooh my. Some fractured relationships were very painful this year.

LESSON LEARNED THIS YEAR?
You can't control how people act; you can only control how you react to them.

BEST HOLIDAY?
Hmm... I really am not sure. Fourth of July at IHOP was pretty great, although it had nothing to do with the holiday.

SONG FOR 2008?
"Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham

BEST MOVIE OF 2008?
I almost hate to type this because it makes me feel so... unlike me, but "Fireproof." There- I said it!

BEST BOOK OF 2008?
I didn't read nearly as much this year as I usually do, so this is hard. Honestly, I think the Bible. I read it a lot more and with fresher eyes than I ever have, and it's been life-changing.

BEST TV SHOW OF 2008?
Watch me buck the system and say "This American Life", the RADIO show on NPR hosted by Ira Glass. Truly, very few earthly things bring me greater pleasure than this show. Seriously- go to their favorite episodes page and listen to some of them. I suggest "The Legend of Bobby Dunbar" or "24 Hours at the Golden Apple" (the first one I heard) to get a feel for what TAL is all about. Ooh, or "The Break-up"! I could nerd-lovishly babble forever, so I'll stop.

ANY REGRETS?
Making old mistakes in new ways. Blargh.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
I know this sounds weird and vague, but there was a very specific moment in Honduras when I knew I had to just let go and let God work.

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
I went to Europe. I've worked at a real job for over a year. I lost 30 pounds. I think I'm growing up. :)

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Not much planned yet.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Keep working on my running goals, become more active in my field, re-evaluate ministry involvement and try some new things, become a trophy wife... ;)

Here's to 2009! Health, happiness, and all kinds of good things to you and yours.

All Things New

-from PostSecret

New Year

I was very blessed and happy to spend the past few days reuniting with my dear friend Meredith (aka Meriadoc) and her wonderful family (PH, JettyBetty, Aug and Ed) in the metropolis of DFW. Mer and I haven't gotten to hang out face to face since our trip to Honduras in summer of 2004! I was so excited that I was grinning the whole drive down there Saturday! It was a great time of catching up and laughing and ringing in the new year! I love those guys! Thank you so much for your hospitality!!!



Despite all the joy of the weekend, today I got some hard news. My dear friends Adrienne and Whit had a baby boy on the 31st, Benjamin Kent. But he was born with some unanticipated birth defects. I don't know too many details and so I don't want to share in case they're not completely accurate, but he can't breathe on his own and isn't doing well. Please please please pray. Whit and Adrienne are some of the kindest, strongest, most loving people I know. Pray for little Ben's body to have the strength it needs and the ability to rest peacefully. Be with Adrienne and Whit and all the family to have the strength and wisdom to know what to do next.



me and Adrienne (and baby Ben) at her baby shower in December