Saturday, February 11, 2006

Book Recommendation-- Five Love Languages

Yesterday... or technically the day before yesterday, I read a book that I'd like to recommend. It's called The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman. I read the original Five Love Languages my freshman year in college (on the advice of my dear friend and roomie, Angie), and it really opened my eyes as to how I could better love the people in my life. The original one is intended for married people, but the principles can be applied to all your relationships.

Simply stated, the premise is that each person has one of five primary love languages. They are:
  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch
Most people have one primary language that they speak, and one that they most respond to. Many times they are the same, but sometimes they're not. The author is careful to point out that while each of these is a language of love, people usually have one that they favor above all others.

For example, my love language is "words of affirmation." I think this probably correlates somewhat to my being an English major and loving to study words and such. I tend to also give this as my way of showing affection to others.

But here's the key. Let's say I have a friend whose primary love language is physical touch, but I never give them a hug or pat their shoulder. Then even though I praise them with words all the time, they might not feel loved. I need to make the effort to realize what my loved ones' love languages are and speak to them in a manner that shows them how much I care.

It's really a concept that can revolutionize your relationships.

I usually avoid singles books because they're very hokey in my opinion... very much of the "bag 'em, tag 'em, and drag 'em home" type mentality (yes, I actually saw that literal phrased used in a singles book once-- I can tell you which one if you ask me). But this book is about learning to love better. Yes, it was geared towards relationships singles (and singles of all types) might be in, but there is a version for marrieds, one for men, and one for dealing with children. There might be others I don't know of, you can check on amazon. So I recommend that all you bloggies choose a book that best suits your situation and check it out for yourself.

Anyone else out there read it? Anyone know their love language? Or have a story of how learning the love languages has improved a relationship?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Annie! I'm glad your love language you respond to is words of affirmation because I'd be screwed if it were physical touch huh? I'd have to travel a lot to let you know I love you!