Reaping what you sow

"Am I sowing to the Spirit or sowing to the flesh,
I'm doing one or the other all the time...

And just like a farmer goes out to his field and sows a seed into the ground
Whatever he sows, that he will reap, whatever he plants, that will spring forth.

In the very same way, whatever seeds I'm sowing into my heart, it's guaranteed that I will reap the fruit of what I sow into the garden of my heart."

-Justin Rizzo, Indwelling Spirit

Lately this verse of this part of this song has been knocking around in my head and I can't seem to get it out. It's like one of those movies where the foreshadowing words literally echo across the walls and haunt the afflicted person. It's even worse when God does it, I assure you.

There is a beautiful tree on the corner at the end of my block. It's big and beautiful, and during the fall it was the most stunning shade of yellow. It truly took my breath away every time I saw it (yes, I am that sentimental). And despite the graciously prolonged fall that we had in Oklahoma this year, it still felt too soon that the leaves blew off and now it stands bare. And it will be that way until probably April. Same tree, different season.

I have felt very spiritually frustrated lately. Spring, summer, fall were such rich seasons for me spiritually, and I felt I could see changes day to day in growth and maturity. Then like that first cold slam of winter wind the season changed. And while I try to encourage myself to remember that winter is the time of unseen growth, I'm still frustrated.

I feel like it's a time of gritty faith. It's cold, and I feel bare and vulnerable and stagnant. My prayers feel hollow, worship feels empty, and community feels shallow. But I'm begrudgingly trusting that whatever spiritual seeds that were sown throughout the year are growing somewhere. White knuckle faith still counts as faith, right?

It's a season. And even winter has its moments of reprieve and beauty. And ya know what... spring will come again, and I am choosing to believe in faith that what has been sown will bloom.