Monday, February 04, 2008

Myself When I Am Real

Do you ever have moments when characteristics or aspects of your personality that normally remain dormant are brought to the surface? I have had several lately.

I am white.

Recently I started tutoring in LST-like classes with an inner city church. My friend and I read with a husband and wife who are so very charming and sweet. Every time we meet with them, though, I am reminded of how white, middle-class American I am. Saturday was particularly funny; we went to a party at the church downtown for all of the LST people. As soon as my friend picked me up, I laughed because for one, we unintentionally matched, and for two, we looked like a Gap ad. :) Whitey McWhitesters. The party was lots of fun and we got to know lots of really great people. When the eating time started, we both got home-made tamales that I believe our reader made. I will be honest and admit that I've never actually eaten a tamale. Shame- I know. However, this means that I didn't really know how to eat it. Then my friend sat down and leaned over to ask me how to eat it. He then asked our reader how to eat it. It was hilarious and I have never felt more white. :)

I am a small town Texan girl.

This fact was brought home fiercely last night. :) I thought I was behaving like any normal person would during a football game, but apparently not... I grew up where football was king, and so to me a championship football game is serious business! I think that I'm starting to realize that either you're a football person or you're not, and even though I haven't been immersed in that culture in many years, it's always going to be a part of me. And I'm pretty proud of that. :)

I am passionate and convicted.

In recent weeks, I've had several opportunities to see this potent streak of my personality manifest itself. I'm wise enough to be able to see it as both a strength and a weakness. I think this is also the part of my personality that surprises the most people. But just beware this fact should you should you choose to tangle with me. I'm sure several blog readers can attest to my passion in its positive and negative glory. :) In all seriousness, it has the potential to be used for good when I am convicted to stand up for Christ and his Church, but it can also turn into a stumbling block of pride and stubbornness.

These things just got me to thinking about who I am, both within my personality and environment. A lot of people spend a lot of time and energy trying to manipulate, hide, and re-invent who they are, when maybe we should be grateful and cultivate whatever we've been handed to work for God's glory.


Neener said...

You are an enigma wrapped in a paradox. How can you be that white AND a small town Texas girl? Because everybody knows that in every small town is an amazing tamale.

Part of me wishes you tried eating the tamale with the husk. Kind of like how I used to eat balogna with the plastic ring intact.

Holly said...

So how was the tamale?

stephen said...

"Christ and her Church"

Oh, you feminists...

Anyway, way to get out of your comfort zone and get to know people who are different than you are.

Pamela said...

I have never felt more white than I do right now here in India. A white giant in a sea of dark midgets. In all the countries I've been to I have never been so aware of my foreignness.