Photobooth fun with Penny

And proof that the cat is still alive. :)

Let's see who can come up with the best caption for one of the photos...

Everywhere there's signs...

Signs Signs
Everywhere there's signs
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking up my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign
-Tesla

About a month ago I went to a fantastic class on listening for the voice of God. One of the participants asked the teacher what he thought about "signs" from God, to which the teacher responded that he felt signs were the most unreliable way to hear from God. He said he's seen too many people drive themselves half-mad looking for signs, seeing contradictory signs, or waiting on signs to act.

He did qualify that he does believe God speaks in signs, but probably not as often as we would like, expect or think.

When I examine myself and the times I have asked for signs, I have to cringe a little. There have been times when I have been genuinely, absolutely at a loss for what to do and asked God for a sign. There are other times when I have asked for signs when really, my conscience was screaming at me what to do, but I was looking for a way out of whatever I didn't want to do.

But, like with every message from God, the first opportunity for error comes in our interpretation. So often we're quick to identify and interpret "signs" in ways that would benefit us.

I'm not hating on signs. I believe I've received them and been blessed by them. I also just recognize the margin of error due to my bias.

I'm actually more interested in hearing what you all think or have to say on the subject than expounding on it myself. So, let me know what you think.

Honduras video and book

We were extraordinarily blessed to have a professional photographer go with us to Honduras. Angela is not only amazingly talented, but was a pure joy and blessing to get to know. Here is a video she made with some of her shots.

It chokes me up every time, and really catches the essence of our experience.




Also, my friend Amy made a book of the photographs she took. It's stunning! Check it out by clicking here.

Quiet time, Honduran style

The Lord spoke in all kinds of ways and means during my week in Honduras, but this was my favorite place.

I would jump out of bed as soon as I woke up and it was light out (usually about 5am), take my iPod, Bible and journal and have some good quiet time in a hammock before the day began. I'm thankful one of my teammates snapped of a picture of me there.

Here are a series of verses the Lord gave me to meditate on throughout the week:

Revelation 22:17:
The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” Let anyone who hears this say, “Come.” Let anyone who is thirsty come. Let anyone who desires drink freely from the water of life.

John 4:10 & 13-14:
Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water... Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life."

John 7:37-39:
"Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’” (When he said “living water,” he was speaking of the Spirit, who would be given to everyone believing in him. But the Spirit had not yet been given, because Jesus had not yet entered into his glory.)

From Misty Edwards, Lovesick:
Happy am I to live a hungry life
And blessed am I to thirst
My desire for you is my gift within
And I am blessed, I am blessed among men!

Honduras 2008

Last week I had the great privilege of serving with the Predisan Mission in Olancho, Honduras. I've been to Honduras once before, but never to this area and not with this organization. For years I've heard about the amazing work Predisan does to serve remote villages with health care, and now I know why everyone who works with this mission is touched by it.

A little background on our trip. I went with a group of 27, mostly from Quail Springs Church. We had a medical brigade of about 8, and the rest of us were work crews. The medical team saw 340 patients in the 4.5 days we were there, and our work teams helped install 12 latrines, paint several buildings, and entertain at local schools in local villages.

There are no words to describe the blessing this trip was. I feel as though God used it to shower me with mercy and joy and rekindle the passion for the world and different cultures that is so deep within me. To see the love and peace of God through the lives, hearts, and kindness of the Hondurans we worked with was incredible.

If you have a heart for medical missions, I encourage you to check into Predisan. They are changing lives for the glory of God.

Now, some pictures. :)

This is what a lot of our work looked like- mixing and hauling cement. We worked alongside the Hondurans whose homes we were working on.

Some of my work team. It was a bonding experience.

Gorgeous, isn't it?

I got really dirty. On this day we were moving cinder blocks.

We spent one day in the schools. The children were precious.

I was taking a picture of a flower when this butterfly landed. God is good. :)

Honduran mountain traffic jam.

These are the children who live in one of the homes we worked on. Too precious.

Medical team hard at work.

Tegucigalpa, Honduras

To see more of my pictures, click here.


Crossing the River from Ann W on Vimeo.

Cow crossing from Ann W on Vimeo.

The difference a year can make

On the left, June '07, on the right, July '08.
30lbs. difference.
I promise I've only photoshopped the blur. :)

Although it may be hard to believe, at times my words fail me. I've re-written this post more times than you'd believe, because there's so much I want to say.

I could talk about why I gained weighted or how I'm an emotional eater. I could talk about how gaining and losing weight has a lot of screwed up emotions and memories in my life. I could talk about when it finally clicked that something was really wrong, and I needed to be proactive in dealing with it. I could tell you about the highs and lows, successes and victories. I could tell you about my inspirations and frustrations. I could talk about where I am now and where I see myself going.

And I would more than love to talk about all those things with anyone who's interested or is going through a similar struggle.

But the one thing I do want to say is that this journey is one that God's hand has been in from the beginning. It was His voice that stilled the lies about myself. It was His strength that enabled me to do things I thought I couldn't do. It is His creative mercy that has re-knit me back together more times than I can count. It is His love that has enabled me to love myself.

So all glory to God who has begun and sustained this work in my life. Thank you to those who have encouraged me through this journey so far. If you have any questions I'll field them in the comments.

To read more about the specifics or see some of my goals, click here.

Chop chop

Sometimes it's time for a change.

Before

After

My cousin (center) cut my hair. Me, Cousin Mary, Sister Molly.

She hasn't gotten much blog play, so here is a picture of my sister and me.

And what's a trip to Texas without a picture of the dog nephew, Rowdy.

Let's keep talking...

One of the greatest blessings of my life has been the ministry of Let's Start Talking. I can't begin to list the ways it has enriched and blessed my life.

Long story short, what LST does is use the Bible, generally the book of Luke, to teach conversational English classes.

As I add up the years, I think I'm going on 8 years of being involved in some kind of LST work. I went to Brazil twice with them, did 3 years of classes at MRCC, did classes in both Japan and Brazil while I lived there, and now have been studying with some new friends from the Cross and Crown Mission in OKC since the beginning of the year (you may remember the tamale story).

If you want to see the Word of God as living and active, then read it with those who haven't grown callous to the stories many of us grew up with. Without exception, I have learned so much from each of the people I've read with. They open my eyes to new perspectives and new insights, and I thank God for all of them.

Sometimes I'm foolish enough to go into my classes with the attitude that I'm the one ministering to my readers, but the truth is that they show me God's love so powerfully. Today my friend, Juan, gave me this beautiful glass he etched.

God is so good. I pray He continues to give me opportunities for my eyes to be opened and for Him to show me more of His love toward me and the entire world.

Healing

Part 2 of 2

Healing. If you want to talk about a bitter-sweet word in my life, that would be it.

If I were asked to define "healing" free from context, I would describe it as a coming back to wholeness from a state of brokenness. In theory, it has such a natural, soothing sentiment and conjures peaceful feelings within.

But once you start to unpack what healing is to different people in different circumstances, you find the path to wholeness comes in different venues.

In my own life, this was more or less the path of healing over nine painful months.

1. My illness growing to the point that it was undeniable something was wrong and needed treatment
2. Doctor consultations
3. Endless tests (CT, x-ray, scopes, blood tests)
4. Medications (again, too many to list)
   
5. Central line IV nourishment in place of eating
6. A chest tube
   
7. Surgery
8. A feeding pump
9. Blood transfusions
10. Prayer- didn't necessarily come last, it was interspersed throughout the process

If you were to ask me what healed me, I would say the sovereignty of God*. If you were to ask me how I were healed, I'd elaborate into the aforementioned process.

I believe firmly in the supernatural power of God to heal. I know those who have experienced it and within a moment their afflictions were gone. I believe the Lord not only wants us to pray for healing, but commands it in James 5. And I believe when we pray for healing we should pray boldly and with faith (I have written about this before here).

Sometimes healing is instantaneous. Sometimes healing is a process. Sometimes a medicine, a surgery, a diagnosis. Sometimes it is death.

When healing is talked about in the church, it seems that there are two scriptural aspects to physical healing that we sometimes forget.

One is that healing, even when performed by Jesus, was always incomplete. Everyone Jesus healed, even those He raised from the dead, died again. At this point in the great story, only Christ has received the complete healing that conquers death. But it is because of that promise and hope that we know we can receive our complete healing at the end of time.

The second forgotten aspect of scriptural healing is that even once we're healed, we still show the scars. Jacob limped after wrestling God, Jesus' scars remained after his resurrection, and even Paul claimed to bear the marks of Christ on his body. And it seems to me that rather than being marks of shame, they were marks of victory. Like I said in my last post on illness, trauma changes you. Maybe it's supposed to, and the scars you carry are the witnesses to your testimony.

It is much easier to write these things two and a half years out of my last health crisis. There are so many questions I still have and things I don't know. To give the impression that I have reached complete understanding and peace with my own physical trials would be a lie. But two of the things I know for sure are that God has given me a testimony to share and scars to always remind me of my healing.

*I have come to answer this when I talk about the whys of why I survived. One thing I was firmly convicted of throughout my illness and still is that God was good, merciful and gracious regardless of what happened to me, so I will not attribute my healing to His goodness, but instead His sovereignty.

Illness

Part 1 of 2

July always gets me thinking about my own mortality. Probably not the typical thought you expect to hear from a 26 year old, but since when am I the typical 26 year old.

July 2 is a big mile-marker, Ebenezer type day in my mind. In 2003, it was the day I was released from the hospital after a six week stay. In 2005, it was the day that I flew home from Japan to seek more medical treatment. Ironically, I call July 2 my independence day, although the truth is that the hardest times came post-July 2 in both cases.

So for the past 3 years, when July rolls around, I start thinking about hospital stays, doctor visits, and those times when I didn't know what was going to happen with my illness.

I have written some about the spiritual implications my own illness has had for me (reference- here). At some point I need to write more, because I feel like I have a testimony of how God worked and is continuing to work through a very painful time.

Trauma changes you. I envision it as something changing within your personality's DNA. Maybe your soul's DNA, I'm really not sure. I think it holds true for all types and varying degrees of trauma, but certainly illness. In our very emotionally-aware society, I think it's tempting to elevate emotional distress (which in many cases is valid), but also diminish physical distress as some lesser suffering, since it's "only physical pain."

Anyone who would say that hasn't been in pain. Anyone who would say that hasn't seen their death as imminent. And those moments change you.

We live in a world of decay. Everything around us is in a state of decomposition, because we live in a fallen world. Illness is part of that. I don't believe illness is God's will for our lives, although I do believe he brings redemption to our falleness.

To be continued in Part 2- Healing.

With much credit to Edward Fudge's statement of faith concerning healing.

Psalm 139- a fresh reading

God is in a season of building intimacy with me, I believe. This weekend I was blessed with Psalm 139 to meditate and keep on my heart.

The Spirit moved me to try this exercise to make it more personal. It was born out of thinking about Yahweh, the personal name of God, and what that should mean to us. Then I envisioned the Lord speaking my name to me when he talks to me.

So I took Psalm 139 and switched the voice around to make it read from the Lord to me. The result stirred my heart so deeply that I thought this type of exercise it might bless others as well.

Maybe the Lord is wanting to reveal his love letter to you. Take this and replace the "Ann"s with your name. Let me know if you are blessed with any other scriptures read in this way.

Ann, I have examined your heart, and I know everything about you.

I know when you sit down or stand up.
I know your thoughts even when you're far away.

I see you when you travel and when you rest at home. I know everything you do.
I know what you are going to say even before you say it, Ann.

I go before you and follow you; I place my hand of blessing on your head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for you, too great for you to understand!

You can never escape from my Spirit! You can never get away from my presence!

If you go up to heaven, I am there; if you go down to the grave, I am there.
If you ride the wings of the morning, if you dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there my hand will guide you, and my strength will support you.

You could ask the darkness to hide you and the light around you to become night—
but even in darkness you cannot hide from me.
To me the night shines as bright as day; darkness and light are the same to me.

I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body and knit you together in your mother’s womb.
I made you so wonderfully complex!
My workmanship is marvelous—how well you know it.

I watched you as you was being formed in utter seclusion, as you were woven together in the dark of the womb.
I saw you before you were born.

Every day of your life was recorded in my book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are my thoughts about you, Ann.
They cannot be numbered! You can’t even count them!
They outnumber the grains of sand!

Freedom and Faith Festival

One of the coolest things our church does is the traditional 4th of July celebration with Quail Springs Baptist church, right next door to us.

Raising holy hands in prayer without anger or disputing... imagine that.

Quail also has a pretty rock awesome praise team. Here they are performing. We have instruments, but they just enhance an already incredibly talent group of singers. :)




Mourning into dancing from Ann W on Vimeo.

The Kingdom of God

God bless the disciples. Sometimes they catch a lot of flack (take poor Thomas, for example), but Jesus really did not make things easy for them.

Take the context of the passage I wrote out in my last post (Matthew 25:14-30). I went back to chapter 24 to see what question they had asked Jesus to prompt his impromptu sermon, and finally found it in 24:3. "Tell us, when will this (the destruction of the Temple) happen? What sign will signal your return and the end of the world?"

Of course by the time we get to the middle of 25, Jesus has answered this question and then some. By this point he's beginning his second parable on the kingdom of God.

It's easy to shake our heads and cluck our tongues at the disciples' misunderstanding of the the kingdom of God. Oh, silly disciples. Just didn't get it. But maybe in some ways they had a lot better handle on it than we do today.

They expected respect. They expected riches. They expected mighty works, justice, authority, glory, power, and the name of the Lord to be honored and renowned.

Granted they expected these things in a very literal, political, worldly sense, but at least they caught the vision of God's majesty and omnipotence. And they seemed to understand that they would be a part of "the kingdom coming."

The passage from Matthew 25 makes it very clear that the kingdom of God takes proactivity from the members of that kingdom. As sons and daughters of God, we are called to claim, maintian, restore and defend the kingdom.

This parable indicates that God has gifted each of us, entrusting us with his wealth and power. And what are we called to do? To use what he has given to multiply his kindom. And it seems like that is a very deliberate, proactive choice we are called to make.

The disciples got it. I think it took the power and revelation of the Holy Spirit to get there, but they got it. The "Twelve Stooges" of the gospels become warriors of God, and so our calling remains to this day. They took every ounce of the gifts the Lord gave them, and because of their willingness to risk foolishness and even their own lives, the Lord multiplied their riches exponentially, all for the sake of bringing God's kingdom to earth.

So what are we doing today? Are we living a safe faith, hoarding and hiding our gifts in fear of getting them dirty or looking foolish? Or are we trusting that the Lord gifts us still and with reason, throwing our lives into that calling. This parable is a sobering reminder of God's perspective.

Father, Almighty God, thank you for entrusting us with your riches. Give us wisdom, courage, and foolishness to be good stewards, bringing honor to your name and your kingdom to earth.

Criminally cautious

The kingdom of God is like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master's investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master's money.

After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'

The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master's investment. His master commended him: 'Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'

The servant given one thousand said, 'Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.'

The master was furious. 'That's a terrible way to live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.

'Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.'

-Matthew 25:14-30

What does this mean to you?

Friendlationships- a guest blog

This gust post was written by Blake Blackwell. Blake has been a dear friend of mine for almost 8 years now. He has also been the iron that has sharpened my own, and his perspective and insights have blessed me. We both decided to take a topic and write our opinions on the subject without consulting the other. So to see my take on friendlationships, click here.
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Let’s be honest: in the end, there will only be one. Or there better only be one. One what? One deep relationship with the opposite gender, that’s what. After my first close female friend got married, this lesson started to hit me. As female friend after female friend continued to get married, the truth became clearer and clearer. Then one day it dawned on me – the day I get married is the day this equation changes altogether. It’s one thing when my friends get married; I lose one at a time. But then, once I’m married, I lose all of them in one fell swoop.

But that time hasn’t come yet. And so I still have many close female friends. I cherish these friendships, much as I cherish my now married female friends. So what’s the problem?

You see, while these friendships are great I realize their time is limited. Unbeknownst to most of them, I continually struggle with how much to invest personally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I’ve decided that if both sides are platonic (meaning non-romantic), then be thankful for the friendship you have. Several of my friendships with females are completely platonic, and God blesses us both through our friendship. However, if there are signs that one side feels romantic, and the other does not, both of you have a responsibility to each other to protect each others’ hearts. Often this means breaking off the friendship, or limiting time spent together. Investing in another person is a harmful business if the affections will never be returned. Letting someone invest in you is equally dangerous, and even selfish, if you will never return the feelings.

These aren’t easy conclusions. Being single in your young adult years is a time of great joy, fun, but oft coupled with confusion, longing, and sometimes even loneliness. That is why our lives are filled with many friendships of both genders. Be careful though, guard your heart! A friendlationship is oh too finite!

The endearing fist bump

As if there aren't enough reasons to love Barack Obama, the picture to the right gives me all the more reason.

A little history. I have long been opposed to the high five; I find it awkward and unnatural.

So how fantastic is it now that the fist bump has come into common use.

I was skeptical at first, until one of the vice presidents of the university made it a point to greet and dismiss everyone in our office with a fist bump on a regular basis. Although at first it was funny to me, I quickly warmed up to the process. In fact, I started using it myself around campus and socially.

It's just so... endearing. Endearing is the word I use to describe things (or people) that are awkward yet irresistibly lovable.

And I love that Barack and Michelle Obama fist bumped as he was announced the democratic nominee. That look on her face, to me, says, "Okay, Boo, now you go out there and win that presidency!" :) Ooh, I love it.

I can't wait to find my Boo like that and live a life-long fist bump of love.

Long live the fist bump! Anyone else with me on this?

Father's Day

Stan and Ann, circa 1982

I imagine it's not easy being my dad. :)

But when I decided I was going to go to Oklahoma to school, my dad supported me and helped make that happen.

And when I decided to be an English major, he didn't give me speeches about the importance of a marketable degree.

And when I began traveling around the world on my summer vacations and then moved abroad, he was proud of me.

And when I got sick, he was always there and endured what parents shouldn't have to, just to make sure that I was never alone.

And when it turns out that I disagree with him on different topics, he respects what I have to say.

And when I'm still just a little girl who needs her dad's advice or help, he is always more than willing, without making me feel like a burden or foolish.

And I know that no matter what lies ahead, I'll always have someone who believes in me.

Thanks, Dad. I love you.

Hydrangeas

From my neighbor's garden. They melt my heart. One of God's many graces.

Answers, Redux

A little Saturday night blogging with the new questions.

Amanda asks, What exactly is this job that you love so much?

Good question! I thought about whether or not I should put it online, but frankly, I am very googlable. I have an extreme web presence. :) I work at my dear alma mater, Oklahoma Christian University, as the web content coordinator in the marketing department. I also do some technical writing. I work a lot with news stories and keeping the content of our site up to date. If you go to the new, amazing www.oc.edu, I worked a lot on the organization of menus.

Rachel O (one of my fabulous co-workers) asks, what is the scariest thing you have ever done?

I've had a lot of scary things happen to me, but I'm going to guess this means something I've willingly done. Definitely getting on a plane to move to Japan. I'd never been there, was moving to a town where I didn't know anyone, had no idea what to expect... oh man, I don't know if I've ever been as scared as I was when I got on that plane. Talk about a leap of faith.

BONUS QUESTION! Rachel also asks, WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU DESIRE IN A HUSBAND?

LOL! Alrighty, well here is a short but serious list.

• Involved, Christian leader already active in ministry
• Someone who encourages me to pursue my spiritual gifts
• Humble
• Kind
• Gentle
• Shares quite similar viewpoints (theological, political, family roles, etc)
• Compliments me (not like saying nice things, but accentuating who I am with who he is)
• Push back. I don't know how succinctly phrase this, but I have a fairly strong personality and opinions, and I have found that I need someone who will push back at this- not argumentative or debating, but challenging me with their own thoughts, perspective, and experience rather than just agreeing with me.)

There ya go. Fascinating, hmm? If you know any good fellas who match this list, drop me a line. :) I promise I'll be back with real content soon.

Answers

You asked, I will answer.

Leah asks- Your all time favorite book?

I will exclude the Bible, and name one fiction and one non-fiction.

Fiction- East of Eden by John Steinbeck. Love love love this book. I've probably read it at least five times. Amazing storytelling, deep symbolism.

Non-fiction- Prayer- Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard Foster. Revitalized my prayer life, which changed so much about my ministry and relationship with God.

For a complete list of my all time favorites, check out the amazon widget in the left hand column.

Do you ever see yourself going back to Brazil in the future?

I would love to go back to visit, and think I will. But I don't have any plans or a strong desire to live there again. It would have to be a very unique and good situation for me to consider moving back (living, working, etc).

Holly asks, What is your favorite memory of living overseas?

This isn't a specific moment, but both in Japan and Brazil, the most precious memories are those with church members. It was amazing to me to witness how the Holy Spirit and bond of Christ can unify people despite culture, language, and experience. God is good!

Amanda asks, What is the biggest obstacle for church growth in Brazil?

Disclaimer that I'm giving my opinion from what I've seen, not necessarily in the places where I've lived, but in missions in general. It seems to me that a critical problem in missions (typical North Americans going elsewhere) is a dependence upon foreign leadership and money. Sometimes it's just a product of the system, in other cases it seems that some missionaries create that type of monopoly.

I would like to see more focus put on training native church members in leadership and letting them "own" and grow their churches. The mission churches I respect most and see as most healthy are those where the native church members are entrusted with responsibility and given freedom to lead.

If you could do absolutely any job, anywhere in the world, what would it be?

Hmm, I had to think about this one. First of all, I want to say how much I love my current job. And I'm not just flattering my bosses/co-workers who read the blog. :) I find myself often talking about how much I love what I do and the people I work with. I never imagined I could like a job as much as I like mine.

That said, call me a glutton for punishment but I still feel some draw to ministry. I'm not sure what that would look like, but some areas I have a great deal of interest in are hospital chaplaincy, counseling, writing, or academia.

Great questions! Sorry it took me so long to answer. I actually did this last week, but then blogger ate it. :(

One last chance- if you have questions, leave them in the comments and I'll answer with a quicker turnaround than this time. :)