As promised, here is the afore mentioned "deeper" blog. I've been wanting to write about this subject for a while, because it is something that I am struggle with and because I think that everyone can empathize with me on some level.
One of the hardest parts about deciding to come to and actually being in Japan is knowingly, willingly, and consiously putting all of my earthly relationships on the altar. I am not a prophet nor the daughter of a prophet, but I am fairly certain that not one of my relationships with my friends and family is going to remain unchanged from this experience. That is not to say that they will all change for the worse-- they are just guaranteed to change. It's a scary thing to put the people and relationships that mean the most to you in the Lord's hands. I remember when I moved in high school it was very surprising to see who I kept in touch with and who barely made it a couple of weeks (although I will most certainly grant that college friendships and family ties are a whole different ballgame).
In only my first month here I can already very clearly see a lot of my relationships changing. Of course I know its me changing. Maybe that makes it a harder pill to swallow. Although my blog makes it a lot easier, there's really no way for you guys to really understand what my life is like now. My personality, my lifestyle, and my whole paradigm have shifted. And you're at home changing, too, whether you realize it or not. With those I was closest to, I was used to knowing about everything going on with you. Now although I am hearing from you and hearing about things, I'm not there to hear from your voice whether everything's really "okay", I didn't hear that great sermon you loved... I don't even know what the major news topics are right now. We really are living in different worlds now.
I'm not writing this to bemoan my choices or circumstances. No regrets. I don't really know why I'm writing it. But it is on my heart, it concerns many of you, and I solicit your prayers for my strength and peace. On a higher intellectual, spiritual level that these pains are growing pains of the good kind. I'm broadening my horizons and spreading my wings and all of those cliches... I know. Maybe I'm writing this to all those I love but am separated from to say that it's alright, I understand, I don't expect daily emails. No one is going to replace you or take away the memories I have with you or the love I have for you. Maybe this is even deepening the love and appreciation I have for you. We are all growing, things are changing, and that is natural and healthy.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's hard to convey how you feel without rambling sometimes. Hopefully you can see to the heart of what I'm writing. I love you guys.