Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Suitable Suitor

Today had two interesting aspects to it that I'd like to share.

First of all, today I left my humble abode for the first time in two weeks. It wasn't as exciting as I might hope it'd be, but it was nice. We went to visit a friend of ours from church who happens to be a nurse. In the last week or so I developed a lump on my arm where my IV was, so we got it checked out. She thinks it's okay. So all in all it was a nice "outing". As much as I love my family, it's nice to associate with outsiders once in a while. ;)

Secondly, my parents and I have been trying to find a suitable husband of the Texas Ranger persuasion (and no, that's not Chuck Norris kind of Texas Ranger for those like Nina and Denver out there... the baseball team). This started with my mom finding out that Mark Teixeira was of Brazilian descent, and we know how I feel about Brazilians. Well it turns out he's married. Shucks. So I went through the roster and online bios to see who my possibilities were. Judging by age and marital status, it looks like Kevin Mench and David Dellucci are my strongest options. I find Dellucci much more attractive (especially since he hit two homers in one game against the Evil Empire) but I'm willing to give everyone a shot. Except when I think about it I'm not sure that I'd want to marry a baseball player. They're gone for so much of the year. In some marriages that may be a good thing, but I intend to like the person I marry. Hmm. We'll see. If anyone has any connections to any single men on the Texas Rangers then please leave a comment. :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Sometimes it sucks

Another post so soon! I guess I finally thought I'd start sharing again.

Well forgive today's post if you're into feel-good items, because today I haven't felt good. I've been considerably sick for almost a solid four months now, and as much as I try to keep a shiny face for the world same days I just don't want to. Luckily most of the world isn't exposed to me on a daily basis. So here is a little glimpse of how tired you can get of being sick.

I woke up in a foul mood and for the most part I've spent pretty much all of today there. But then again I always wake up in a crappy mood. This is for several reasons. For one, my bed hurts my back. I've tried about a million things over the years to make this better but it doesn't seem to help. Oh well. For two, I haven't been sleeping well. This is also two-pronged. When you're sick on a bedrest program like I am you really don't do anything all day to wear yourself out. Bed time seems sort of arbitrary because you never really get sleepy. So many nights I take Dramamine (motion sickness medicine-- also used for nausea) to make myself sleepy. The second half of this is that now that I am getting some better, the reality of my situation is setting in. I left my great job and a bunch of wonderful people in Japan. When I lie in bed at night I have the time to wonder what I'm going to do with my life once I get well. And then I think about people and it breaks my heart. Faces of so many people I know and love in Japan rush through my mind and I miss them so much. I wish I'd gotten to say real goodbyes, or that I could know when I'm going to get to see them again. It's a hard thing to think about.
So those things plague my nights.

My days are spent mostly with TV. I'm sure my intellectual friends are shocked and appauled that I'm not using this free time to real all of the wonderful books there are to be read, but a lot of times I don't feel like it. The books I usually like to read are about things like social justice or different cultures or some other deep and difficult issue, and really I just can't make myself care about those things as much right now. Of course I still care, but right now I just don't want that burden on my mind as well. A life lived around TV is pretty empty. I look forward to my daily Simpsons, Cosby Show, and occasional Miami Ink, but watching enough TV will depress you. There's a lot of stupid crap in the world, and a lot of it has a TV show dedicating time to it. But I have to give TV props for numbing my mind and helping the days pass.

Even though I've been doing better lately, the past few days I just haven't felt very good. I think it's one of the medicines I'm on making me feel bad. We're going to call tomorrow to see what the doctor thinks. I think I don't want to take it again.

This has been such a crappy post. I should probably discard it. But I guess at least it's something. And it's honest. Like everyone probably, I've known a lot of people who've gone through really difficult times. And I've seen so many people handle it with unimaginable grace. A great example of that is my friend Blake, who is going through a hellish ordeal with his mom being terminally ill. Yet through this he has written some of the most touching, faithful things on his blog, and he and his family have demonstrated that grace I mentioned. I'm in awe of and inspired by them because I have a hard time pulling it off.

I learned 2 years ago that I'm not graceful through suffering. I cry, I pout, I pity myself, I breakdown and lose hope. As you've all witnessed, I also pull away from my friends for whatever psycho reason. But maybe I get a few things right, too. I hold on to faith. It's not a pretty faith when I'm holding onto it at the end of my rope, but it is faith. And I try to be honest. Hence the post today. :) Hopefully that's good, too.

I don't know what this post is for. Maybe it's for myself to kind of let off steam and organize my thoughts. I don't know. But I'm just going to post it. Oyasuminasai.

PS- To balance out my crabby complaining, here are things that I'm eternally grateful for. My family, who cater to my cantankerous moods day to day. The nice people who send me emails. The wonderful people who send me snail mail. And Chris Rice. :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Today was the day!

My life has been the utmost of boring lately. Thankfully I have my family, cable TV, a few good books, and nice friends who actually still email me to keep me sane. However today was a very very happy day for me. Thanks to my sweet family who found it in Texarkana for me, today I own the new Chris Rice CD, Amusing! :) Yaaaay!
AND I found out today that it actually has a DVD on the other side of the CD, so I got to watch behind the scenes footage of Chris Rice and the people recording the CD. I'm tickled pink. Chris recently went to a new label, so this is a little different from his other albums, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it all the same. Do yourself a favor and go pick it up.
By the way, I think I'm doing some better. I can actually eat now, which is good. I still haven't gained weight, but have faith it'll come.
Thanks to everyone for their nice emails and comments. They really brighten my days. Love you all!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Ode to why I have been absentee

Hello, you wonderful people. If you're still reading then you are, in fact, wonderful. :) I know I should be blogging, especially since I have nothing but free time on my hands, but I just can't bring myself to do it. And here is my theory why.

Abraham Maslow developed a system called the Hierarchy of Needs. Simply put it states that before you can worry about the higher levels of existence you must be stable in the lowest levels of existence. For example (see the website), I think in Japan I was at or nearing the self-actualization level. I had a great job in my field with great friends. I was stable in many many ways. But now I have found myself knocked on my butt back to the first level-- physiological needs. I live day to day just focusing on keeping a few calories in me.

So... as much as it sucks, and as much as it is against my personality to do so, I have really pulled away from a lot of my friends. I feel like I'm sinking all this energy into being well so I have little to spare. I hope my friends can forgive me and just support me through this. I'm trying to be better. See, I even made myself blog tonight. :)

As for how I'm doing, it's hard to say. I am improving in some ways, but not others. The specific prayer request I have is that I can gain weight. I keep losing and I have nothing left to loose except the good stuff (muscle, organs, yadda yadda). So that's that. I'll keep you updated. Love you all! And mad props to all my friends who've recently started blogs! Y'all are awesome bloggers!!!!!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Out and About

As the title suggests, I am out of the hospital. I'm on some new medicine now and let's all hope and pray I feel better soon. Although I am out, I am not about. I am the ultimate couch potato these days. Just wanted to give a brief update. Hopefully I'll have a worthwhile blog soon, if anyone's still reading this.
Love y'all.