What's going on

I've been a little blog absent lately. There are a lot of reasons for that, but here's a little peek at some things that have been going on.

I ruptured a disc in my back. This is not my back. But it is an MRI of a herniated disc. The doctor says it should get better given time to heal on its own. That means a month of NO aggravation. I miss running. :(


The OKC Memorial Marathon was last week, and my office put together 2 relay teams as part of TeamOC. It was a blast. I love my co-workers. And OC.


My good friends Auvrey and Kris got married on Saturday. What a great celebration of a godly couple. I'm so happy for them! Auvrey was radiant.


And I've taken a lot of pictures of flowers. It's spring! Here is one of my favorites.

Family Photo Friday- Something missing

I don't really like this picture. It is a little dagger in my heart every time I see it.


Strange, I know. It's a cute little boy and a beautiful young woman.

But look closely at the left side. Notice the ragged edge?

This is only 2/3 of the original picture.

This is my grandfather and his mother. His father was on the other side.

He left probably not long after this picture was taken. And my grandfather never saw him again.

I don't know who physically removed him from the picture, but it makes me sad.

(PS- I did find an original copy of the picture including my great-grandfather.)

Family Photo Friday- Handsome Couple

These are my maternal grandparents probably very soon after they were married. I really like this picture. Such a sharp couple. :)

Honest thoughts on this Easter

Those who've followed the blog over the years may remember that I try to be especially mindful during holy week. But this year I am just wrecked out.

To make a long story short, the last month has been one of crisis at my church. Watching this play out and talking to many of those involved, trying to understand has only led me to believe Satan has won a battle and we have lost sight of our First Love.

So forgive me today when I can't rejoice. For Christians this is the day that marks ultimate victory over evil and death, and I so desperately want to be glad in that, but I can't.

Maundy Thursday was especially difficult as I reflected on the Last Supper of Christ with his disciples and remembered his prayer for unity in the church then and to come. I feel such a weight of guilt as we have mocked this prayer in our actions and divisiveness.

This morning I cried through most of church as I looked around and so many people I love were missing. I am so hurt. Although this is a day of joy and victory, I feel sad and defeated. I'm still back there on Black Friday, grieving the pain and price of sin.

And I think it's okay. I believe that God will redeem this situation and all those involved and effected. I believe there will be a day of victory where I will rejoice at the light that God has called from the darkness.

So maybe rather than victory, today I will celebrate hope.

Family Photo Friday- Smirk

This is my paternal grandmother, Mary. I don't know when this picture was taken. I love the little smirk on her face. So gorgeous. Still beautiful.

Growing up

And how I long to see the picture finished,
Painted as a perfect portrait
Void of all the mysteries of my life.
-Audra Lynn, "Cross"

But sometimes it's good to see how we grow, step by step. There's beauty in and of itself to be found there.

Family Photo Friday- Lighthearted

I'm not sure, but I think this is my maternal great-grandmother, Lena.

I really hope this is her.

She was a woman who endured quite a bit of heartache that she carried for many years, and all I can say is that I hope this joy is hers.

You keep using that word

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -Inigo Montoya

Leadership.

Authority.

Submission.

Success.

Failure.

Trust.

------

What looks like failure is success
And what looks like poverty is riches
When what is true looks more like a knife
It looks like you’re killing me
But you’re saving my life

What looks like weakness can do anything
And what looks like foolishness is understanding
When what is powerful has not come to fight
It looks like you’re going to war
But you lay down your life

Derek Webb, "What is Not Love"

Family Photo Friday- Sisters

Again, in honor of Sister's birthday, here's a Family Photo Friday for her.

1988

1990

Ode to Molly Sue

Upon the 21st birthday of my sister (and the 2nd birthday of my dog nephew), we'd like to send a little love across the intertubez.

Family Photo Friday- Four Generations

My great grandmother, my grandmother, my dad, and me. Probably about 1984 or so.

Ruthless Trust

When brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months in the "house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.

"What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request he'd borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I have clarity."

She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. I will pray that you trust
God."

The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment. The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is
nailed down, obvious, and secure and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and promise.

From the book "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning.

Family Photo Friday- Big Brother

This is my maternal grandmother's brother, James. He died before I was born so I never met him, but every time she spoke of him, she still talked like he hung the moon. I wish I could have heard more stories about him.

Learning from my hobby

Why can't I learn about the beauty of people from the flowers I love to photograph?

Beautiful in birth...



Beautiful in death...



Beautiful in weirdness... :)




And most beautiful when they shine as they were created to.

Family Photo Friday- McBirthday

In honor of my birthday this week, here is a classic childhood birthday party shot. I believe this was when I turned 6 or 7.

Love is gonna break through

I love daffodils. To me they are the first sign of resilient spring life after the winter.

From lifeless, brittle Oklahoma grass pokes through small green stalks...

That bloom to reveal what has been growing beneath the surface all winter.

It hits me like lightning
That love must keep fighting
And somehow, every time
Love is gonna break through.
-Chris Rice

Family Photo Friday- Rebel without a cause

This is my dad. Hmm, wonder where I get my rebellious streak from. :)

Neglected praise

I blatantly stole this idea from Abraham Piper at 22 Words, but I find myself quoting it so often that I wanted to do my own list.

10 things we don’t mention in worship songs, but that I’m happy God saved me from:

1. Gangs
   
2. Hypochondria
3. Fear of the dark
4. Attracting men with my cleavage
5. Timidity
6. Being satisfied with the ordinary
7. Legalism
8. Internal bleeding
9. Being a theological snob
   
10. The things I thought I would make me happy
    

Family Photo Friday- Willie and Billy

These are my mother's family's Siamese cats, Willie and Billy. The note on the photo says they were 10 weeks old on October 15, 1967. That is my grandmother's handwriting.


This is my cat, Penny Lane, February 2009. :)

My 1 in 2018

My favorite radio show had the funniest opening act last Saturday, where they took the Drake Equation, used to determine the number of planets in the universe capable of sustaining life, and applied it to single people wondering how many potential mates there are for them in their part of the universe. Seriously.

So here is my Drake Equation. Let's call it the Ann Equation.

I'll start by narrowing it down to Oklahoma, even though that's still quite broad for my personal geography.

Population of Oklahoma- 3,450,000

Population of Oklahoma Males- 1,725,000

Population of Oklahoma Males ages 25-34 (13.1%)- 225,975

Population of Oklahoma Males ages 25-34 and not married or divorced (44%)- 99,429

Population of Oklahoma Males ages 25-34 and not married or divorced with a college education (20.3%)- 20,184 (not necessarily mandatory but hey, why not throw it in)

And let's say I find only 10% of men attractive. Let's be honest, this number is quite high. In reality I don't think anyone finds 10% of people attractive. But anyway. That gives me...

2018

That is the pool I have to work with in the entire state of Oklahoma, when applying the principles of the Drake Effect. And let's be honest, that's not encouraging. Because think of all the other factors! Christian, emotionally stable, no felony records, adherence to dental hygiene standards... the list goes on. :)

Anyhoo, see what you learn listening to public radio? Can you figure out your equation?

And let me say for the record, at the end of the day you just have to find one. The right one. :)

With many thanks to the US Census.

Family Photo Friday- Just Married

These are my paternal grandparents. Just married. Aren't they a handsome couple? Still are. :)

Sunrise, sunset

This is how the day began:

And this is how the day ended:

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Ps 19:1

Tornadoes on a balcony

Here is a little video (about 2.5 minutes) of scenes from what tornado season is like in Oklahoma. Yesterday's storm system passed pretty close to our school, so we had a good view of it.

Why? Because when the tornado sirens go off, you don't take cover... you grab a camera and head outside! :)

I kid. Please always take necessary severe weather precautions. And as we now know perhaps 15 people died yesterday in Lone Grove, our prayers are with them. Could have been any of us yesterday.

Angels among us

One of my strangest travel stories is also one of my first.

In the summer of 2001, I went to Brazil on a mission trip for 6 weeks. I don't think it's an overstatement to say that that experience changed the course of my life.

On the way home I was so sad to be leaving Brazil. I cried and cried on the bus to the airport, and took one of my relaxant pills to get some sleep on the plane.

I sat next to a woman who I don't remember talking to until our descent. She was an older woman from the northern US who was traveling in her retirement with some of her girlfriends. She asked why I had been in Brazil, and in my muscle relaxant stupor and sad tears, I told her about the trip.

She then gave me the coin pictured above. I'm not an "angel" type person; nothing against them, it has just never been a key point of my theology. But the gesture touched me deeply and made the tears flow more quickly. As we reached our destination I said goodbye and soon forgot her.

But the strange thing is that since that day, I have carried that coin in my wallet. Almost 8 years now. Of all the things I've lost, I haven't lost that coin. Of all the travels, illnesses, wallet changes... it remains in my coin purse to this day.

Such a small token of kindness, but I believe it has reverberated through the years, and I don't think it's done with me, yet.

Family Photo Friday- Frances

I've always been the genealogist in my little branch of the family, and lately I've been scanning in a lot of old photos to help me with that.

That inspired me to do start Family Photo Friday. This is actually the picture that inspired me to it.

Time doesn't change some things that run in the family. :)


This is my maternal grandmother's cousin, Frances. They roadtripped from Arkansas to California, and judging by the photos, had a blast.

Traveling light

The thing about baggage is that you think you need it. Call it preparedness, caution, learning from experience- justify it however you'd like.

It's at the point of speculation at the beginning of the journey that baggage doesn't really feel like a burden, it feels like reassurance.

But it's in moving forward that you have to bear the weight you are choosing to carry.

So choose your baggage carefully. Figure out which things are worth holding on to, and what things you just have to let go.

If it had to perish twice...

Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Robert Frost

These words make me think that Mr. Frost and I may have had a few things in common. I am a fiery, passionate woman, but my heart can also run cold with a stony frigidity that frightens me.

These are some photos I took this morning in my neighborhood. It's amazing how living organisms can survive under a blanket of ice.



Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Uphill Battle

Please forgive me for looking cracked out in this video. And shaking. It was flipping cold. And I had just spent an hour between scraping off my car and trying to get home.

Welcome to Iceklahoma!

Get Motivated

I used to make fun of those "motivational" posters that could be often found in workplaces. There's even a hilarious parody site that cracks me up called "Demotivators."

But ya know what? I've been humbled to learn that those positive mantras are quite powerful!

A few months ago, I came across a writer whose personal quote was:

"You can't make things tough enough for me to complain."

I was struck by that, because I heard it at a time when I was thinking about one of the most powerful living testaments to that philosophy in my life. I love how the foundational belief of that statement is, "I am stronger than this moment when I'm frustrated, tired, impatient, etc. Good will prevail!"

So I've been trying every day since then to live up to this motto. And some days I fail (and how), but some days I make it, and I know it makes a difference in my life and hopefully in the lives of those around me. So far I'm just experimenting at work, but soon I need to transfer it to other realms of my life. And so far it isn't getting easier, but I believe that it is worthwhile to persevere through.

I've been meaning to mock up my own little motivational plaque to set next to my computer at work to keep me accountable. Next thing you know I'll have a little zen rock garden. But hey, whatever works. :)

Let's try something new

I was thinking about things I like a lot and how I want to share them with people, and how I'd like to hear what else other people are liking.

So, in the spirit of trying new things, here is my proposal. Try one of my recommendations, and leave me a comment to recommend something I will try it in return.

The only guidelines I would ask are that they be free/low cost and non-political.

MUSIC
Justin Rizzo- His new album, Found Faithful, has quickly become one of my all time favorite albums. I got it 2 months ago and have listened to it almost constantly since. Most of my other music has gone by the wayside. Click his name to go to his myspace page and listen to "Spontaneous Psalm 1." Great example of prophetic, scriptural music.

BLOG
"Twenty Two Words" by Abraham Piper is a great blog. He posts several entries a day, but because each entry is only 22 words, it's like bite-sized goodness. He challenges me to be succinct and meaningful in my writing.

RADIO/PODCAST
My name is Ann, and I am a "This American Life" evangelist. Give a little listen to just one sample episode. "The Break-up" is great.

Alright, now it's your turn.

Color me bad. Or good.

It's interesting to see how different colorizations can change the mood of a photo so much.

For example, here is a photo I took tonight at OC on my way across campus going home from work.


Now here is that picture with a photoshop treatment called "Lovely and Ethereal". It's a subtle change, but I love how it makes it all melty and beautiful, really highlighting the sunset on the horizon.


Now check out this treatment, called PW's B&W. It's suddenly like the setting for a ghost story. Or maybe the beginning of a tornado.


Switch that to a Sepia tone, and now it feels very Oklahoma Western.


This is a peculiar but fun little action called Heartland that reminds me of a vintage postcard.


And last but not least, another one of my favorite actions called Colorized.


These actions, all from the Pioneer Woman and available at her website, are lots of fun if you use Photoshop.

Why The Bachelor makes me thankful

Times are tough in TV land, and tonight I settled on The Bachelor from sheer lack of other choices.

Surprisingly, this experience made me more thankful than anything.

Things I am thankful for after watching The Bachelor

1. I don't see a direct correlation between the amount of cleavage I show and my ability to engage a man's attention.
2. I am recognizable once I take off my make-up.
3. I know how to use the word "literally" correctly.
4. The majority of my income does not go towards my wardrobe.
5. I don't consider other women in my life competition.
6. My love and heartbreak aren't being broadcast on network television.

This is probably the last episode I'll watch. One dose of thankfulness is enough.

Off the wagon

If there is one thing I hate most, it is being wrong. No, really. I hate being wrong. Perhaps the only thing I hate more than being wrong is someone pointing out when I'm wrong. It's a terrible personality flaw caused by a deeply rooted sin problem, and something I have always struggled with- chronic performance syndrome. Always trying to be perfect so you'll like me. :)

That said, a recent realization drives me nuts. I fell off the dang bandwagon. Last July I posted about my weight loss last year, and kept on losing for several months after that. Until I went to Paris, I guess, all was great. But then it was too cold to run outside, and I got lazy and fell into that easy trap of thinking that weight loss/exercise was a means to an end rather than a change of lifestyle and mindset. It's easy to enjoy the fruits of all your labor and forget that you still have to labor to keep those fruits!

So I've screwed up. And gained weight. Not a horrifying amount, but enough to piss me off. No running for a month, and then instead filling said month with Christmas treats is brutal! And stupid! I hate being stupid.

But like I said a few posts ago, it's a new day! And I've been detoxing for the past week or so. Next week the gym opens and I'll be a rat once more. So there you go, my little confessional. Not only that I fell off the wagon, but that it makes me mad to a disturbing degree. Don't expect me to admit I screwed up again for a while. ;)

The personality remains

It's fun to look back through old pictures and see how my personality was well in place early on.

Some of you are probably thinking, "Hey! I've gotten that look from Ann!" Ah yes, it's true. I had it down by 4 months.

Lord have mercy, baby's got her blue jeans on... I like to shake my little tush on the catwalk.

This was my favorite outfit in kindergarten. Once again, posing.

Chillin' with my homeys at the pool. At this point, though, I only had 1 homey- my cabbage patch doll (to the left of me). And massive sunglasses.

Brace yourself for the piece de resistance... Consider this my late Christmas present to you.

I roared laughing for about 5 minutes when I saw this. :) Bless my little 80s heart. And believe you me, I thought I was smokin' hot. It takes confidence to go toothless with a perm and side pony tail.

Fresh start

Technically, it's just another day. But it's new day- a fresh start. I bought my favorite day planner for the year, and it's empty. Clean slate.

Write in those evenings with friends.
Write in the nights at the gym.
Write in weekends to go home and spend with family.
Write in loved ones' birthdays and anniversaries.
Write in time alone.
Write in the important things that may quickly go by the wayside as other things fill up your schedule.

It's a new day. And if you screw today up, there's always tomorrow. It'll be a new day, too.